


Lost Among The Trees

by Mari999



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, I’m honestly sorry for how sad this is, M/M, Relationships will also come as they are introduced, more people will be tagged as they are introduced, the sadness with continue for longer than necessary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-01-12 21:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18455417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mari999/pseuds/Mari999
Summary: Jesperi is just trying to figure out his first year of university.





	1. Fall Term

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it with another multi-chapter fic. I actually feel myself finishing this one, mostly because I already have an outline for the whole fic. 
> 
> I mentioned this in the fic I posted last night and found the motivation to edit chapter two and I told myself once chapter two is edit I can start to post.
> 
> There is going to be a lot of references to people throughout this fic, but they aren't really going to be said if it is them for sure so take guesses of who you think they are.

The cup of hot chocolate has gone cold a few hours ago, but it doesn't stop Jepseri from taking sips every so often. He could easily heat the cup up or just throw it out, but he’s finally found the perfect position on the couch. He is able to lay comfortably without feeling like he needs to bleach his body. A communal couch is disgusting. He heard one night someone was having sex on it, but he chooses to think it’s a rumor. 

He’s been in the lounge for three hours now. He is pretty sure Nick and his girlfriend have finished their business, but he doesn't want to walk in on anything. Jesperi is happy that Nick gives him a heads up because there had to be a floor meeting about having sex while your roommate is in the room. He’s never felt sorrier for the girl in the triple down the hall, who’s roommate had sex while she tried to sleep on the top bunk. 

He’s grateful for Nick, but it is also closing in on one am, and he seems to be the only one awake. The RAs have done their last rounds a little bit ago leaving him all alone. Every so often there is someone that wanders to the restroom, but besides that, it’s just him. 

Only him, his cold, hot chocolate, his microeconomics textbook, and his laptop open to his art history discussion board. He has a midterm in the morning, so he needs to respond to one more post before then. He looks thru some of the responses and got bored, so he is waiting for something fresh.

Jesperi might have been pissed about getting kicked out of his room at ten pm if it was a chem midterm but its just art history, so he is fine. The history of architecture in art is the closest thing he’s gotten to any major required course, but he doesn't mind. Art brings him peace and on the occasion when his professor makes them draw something he finds some joy in it. 

Drawing has always been calming to him. It reminds him of the quiet nights when his parents would be in bed, and he should have been studying. He would lay on the floor drawing whatever he wanted. He would look out his window and try to make out anything in the moonlight to draw. It was quiet then, and he likes it. 

The quiet is why he doesn’t mind the early hours of the morning. It reminds him of home. The only time he gets the quiet is when he is up studying or if Nick has kicked him out for the night. It’s usually just him, but in the last two weeks, the early hours has brought him hallmates running on nothing but Redbull or Adderall for either chemistry or biology midterms. Jesperi doesn’t get it. His hallmates have spent their first half of the term doing nothing but partying so now coming to the midterm season they want to stay up until the morning using prescription drugs that they bought for five dollars a pill for what. Maybe a B or C. He can’t imagine what their first finals week is going to be like. 

None of that interests him. All he wants is to do good in his classes. He left Finland for a university, so that is what is important right now. He got the scholarship his parents dreamt of. It might not have been to Harvard or Yale like they wanted, but it is still a president's scholarship. He still has a full ride to a university with money left over. 

After his midterm, he is going to see if that extra scholarship money can be used to get him a double in studio art. He looked at his degree plan earlier because he has to meet with his advisor to talk about winter term. So he figures he would ask then. He hopes he can do something with that money. 

Jesperi looks back at his laptop, and a few people have posted to the board. He reads through the posts and responds to one. He closes his laptop and goes back to reading his textbook. 

 

\---

Jesperi is shaken awake. His RA is telling him to head back to his room. His phone is dead, so he asks for the time. It’s already eight thirty, and his midterm is at nine. He tries to open his door, but it’s locked. He pounds on it, but there is no answer. He has to go as is.

He rushes to his lecture hall getting him a few strange looks. He doesn’t care much; it’s just going to be one of those days. It’s cold and pouring out, but he can barely feel it as he hurries through campus. He wanted to be at the lecture hall by this time, not just leaving.

His sweatshirt is soaked, but there is nothing he can do about that. The chill finally catches up with him as he catches his breath outside the hall. The thin material of his hoodie clings to him; the wetness freezes his previously warm skin. He takes his usual seat. 

Everyone around his is skimming through their notes and seating their things out. He has nothing; all of his things are either in the lounge or his room. If his phone were alive, he would be sending Nick a very pissed off text, but he can’t. He has to sit there, cold, wet, and angry. 

A girl sits next to him. She nice; telling him that he has some dried up drool on his face. After a few seconds trying to wipe it away and getting her to laugh, he asks for a pencil. She gives him two and then her jacket to put over his legs because she could see him shiver. He tells her that he’s had a morning and she understands, so she lets him skim through her notes. 

She’s really nice to him. She’s sat around him all term, but they’ve never talked. Her name is Jessica, but they don’t get any further than that because the exam starts.

Jesperi is the third person finished. He doesn’t know if he should take that as a good or bad thing. He rushed back to his dorm hoping that Nick is awake. He’s cold, hungry and annoyed. Scanning himself into his dorm, he gets in the elevator, and to his floor. People are moving through the halls trying to get to the bathroom or to class.

He grabs his things from the lounge before heading to his room. Trying the door handle the door is unlocked. Nick is standing in the middle of the room pulling a shirt over his head. “Didn’t hear you leave this morning,” he says.

“Because I didn’t sleep here last night,” Jesperi says.

“What?” 

“You never unlocked the door last night, and I didn’t know when to come back in.”

“Oh, shit, sorry dude.” Nick pulls on a pair of jeans, “Where did you sleep?”

“The lounge.” Jesperi gathers his things to shower, “I banged on the door earlier, but you didn’t answer.”

“That’s what that was." Nick lets his mouth hang open. 

“I had a midterm this morning. I had to run there.”

“I’m so sorry.” He grabs for his bag, “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll try to get you on the list for a party this weekend. It’s a live out so you should be able to get in.”

“I don’t want to go to a stupid party!" 

“Dude all you do is go to class, study, then sleep. You’ve got to live a little.”

Jesperi sighs. He likes Nick, but he is fucking stupid. “I don’t care about partying. I’m here to study.”

“The girls from A Phi will be there. I can get Cat to put in a good word for you with a few of her friends.”

“No, I’m fine. Next time just let me know when I can come back in.”

“Your loss.”

Nick heads off to class and Jesperi heads to the showers. Coming back, he gets ready for the rest of his day. He has the meeting with his advisor at eleven thirty and class at one, so he gathers his things for the day. He puts his phone on the charge and takes his ID out of his phone case then heads down the dining hall. 

He waits in the line for breakfast. He gets a bagel, bacon, and a coffee to go. He heads back to his room. 

Once back in his room, he sets down his food and grabs for his backpack. Jesperi takes his philosophy folder out of his bag to read over the article he needs for later in the week. He knows he could read it later, but he needs something to do, and he rather read than watch a Youtube video. 

He finishes his food then the article about the idea of machines being human. It's an interesting read, but Jesperi doesn't care much about the class. He sips on his coffee trying to figure out what to do. He knows he could work on some homework, but that just seems boring.

Jesperi opens the bottom drawer of his desk and grabs for his sketchbook. He hasn't drawn in what feels like a hot minute, so he finds the case of pencils in his drawer of random stuff. It takes him a moment to realize what he wants to draw, but he settles on his side of the bedroom. He hasn't done observational drawing in a while, so that seems like the plan to him. 

Setting an alarm for eleven Jesperi gets to work. He turns on some music and starts getting the shape of the corner of his room. It doesn't take long to realize that he is only going to draw his bed and the walls around it. He sets an outline of his bed and starts to fill in the details. 

He looks at his walls and draws the flag that his peer mentor gave him. He hasn't seen her much this term. The international peer mentor program said he would meet with his mentor several times a term, but she is getting ready to graduate. Jesperi doesn't know if it was a good idea to give a mentor that is graduating, but it's okay he really doesn't need her. The university flag is the only kind thing she has done for him. 

Above the flag, he draws the little string of fairy lights that he bought when Nick's mom took him to the store. Jesperi remembers how bad she felt that all he had was three suitcases and a backpack. She gave him the extra lamp that they got for Nick and bought him snacks. He tried to pay for them, but she wouldn't let him. He hugged her. 

Nick made fun of him for the lights, but he knows there's no heat behind it. Jesperi did call him a stereotypical frat dude for his strips of neon lights that he hung on his wall. Nick just laughed and said that was the point of them. He is grateful that he doesn't turn them on often. He lets Jesperi turn on his lights. 

It's funny how different their sides are. Nick's has life and personality while Jesperi just screams international student. Nick is from Canada, but his parents road tripped down because they thought it would be a fun family activity or that's at least what Nick's mom said. His side only has his fairy lights, the flag, and the watercolor painting he did of the ocean a year ago. He snuck the painting into his backpack before he left for his flight. He wanted something to remind him of home, even if it was a shitty painting he did. 

Nick has a calendar hung up on his wall. All he uses it for is to remember the dates of his soccer games. Jesperi can't believe that Nick can't even remember the dates of his own games. He has a few pictures of him and his girlfriend up. It's honestly really sweet that they both come to school together, but all Jepseri thought, in the beginning, was how messy it could be if they broke up. After seeing them together, he doesn't think that will happen any time soon.

He gets the general shape of his comforter. There isn't much to it; it's only a cheap thing for Amazon. He bought most of his stuff from Amazon because the store was way too expensive. He just bought his sheets and a pillow so he could have it for the first night. He does have a small bear that he's had since he was little stuffed behind his pillow. He's almost sure Nick has seen it but hasn't said anything. Jesperi thinks his mom packet it for him because he wasn't planning on taking it with him. He's glad she did, it's nice to have Henri. 

Jesperi was about to start detail things more when his alarm goes off. He stops it then puts his things down. He grabs for his backpack and slips on his shoes. He searches for his earbuds for a moment then heads out of the room. 

It doesn't take long to walk to the engineering building. He checks in and waits because he is early. Opening his backpack, he takes out his laptop to work on a problem set that is due by the end of the week. He doesn't pay attention in calculus because the instructor isn't good at explaining things, so he just teaches himself the concepts. 

He gets a through a few problems before he is called by his advisor. This is the first term he is meeting with him. He walks over to meet the man, "Hi I'm Carey," he stretches out his hand. 

"Hi." Jesperi shakes his hand. 

Carey walks him back.“How’s your day been?” He asks. 

“Rough start, but pretty good,” Jesperi tells him. 

“What happened?” Carey opens the door to his office. 

“Just a problem with my roommate, but it’s okay.”

“Okay then.” Carey points to the seat next to the desk. Jesperi takes the seat, “How’s the term been?”

“Good, it’s not over yet so anything could happen.”

“That’s understandable.” He opens up Jesperi’s degree plan, “So do you have questions about courses you want to take next term?”

“I was wondering if I could start a double degree.” Jesperi fiddles with his hands. 

“Are you sure about that?” Carey looks away from his computer to look at Jesperi.

“I would like to try. I know it is a lot. It’s just I already have some of the requirement for general ed out of the way,” he tells him.

“I know but with a degree like architectural engineering putting another one on top of that could be a lot.” Carey scrolls through his degree plan that Jesperi has looked at several times while thinking about it. He already has some college credit from IB out of the way, and it would be a waste not to try. “What are you thinking about? If it’s another engineering degree, I would say wait, but something like education might be suitable.”

“I was looking more towards studio art.” he looks up at Carey who seems to be confused, “I know it might be tricky, but I want to try. I also know that all of my scholarship money isn’t being used.”

His advisor shakes his head, “Do you think it would be too much?”

“It would be hard, but I know I could do it. I know that getting into engineering class is hard right now, but if I were taking art classes, I wouldn’t be wasting time on not being able to get into major required classes.” 

“I can set you up an appointment with a CLA advisor to talk with them,” Carey tells him.

“Thank you.”

“Next term for this degree I would like to see you taking a physical activity course and communications.” Jesperi nods, “How do you feel about taking math 252; it would be your next calc class. Then you can have the choice of your other general classes. It doesn’t look like you will be able to get into any of the next terms engineering classes.”

“That sounds great.”

“Actually you need to take writing 121 next term.”

“Okay.”

“There is a wonderful instructor, he also Finnish. I think you will love him.”

“Sound great.”

“I will write that in your degree plan along with your pin.” Carey closes his degree plan and opens up the page for liberal arts advising appointments, “ There are some spots open for today after two.”

“Is three available?” Jesperi asks.

“Yep.”

Carey puts all of his information in and Jesperi is sent on his way. He gets lunch then hangs out around his next art class. It’s for his culture requirement which he thought he would hate because it’s another art history class, but he loves it. Art has always interested him. He loved to draw and paint back home but never thought about it more than a hobby until he walked into the campus gallery. He had to go to his Asian art history professors office hours, and his office is on the upper floors of the gallery, so he spent some time looking through the artwork.

Jesperi messes around on his phone until his professor starts the lecture. He is going through the powerpoint and Jesperi finds it hard to pay attention. He doodles in his notebook a little, and he tries to listen to his professor go on about some painting technique that he figures he will just pick up when he reads through the textbook. All of the side material comes to from the textbook which Jesperi reads anyways. 

The class drags on, and Jesperi just wants out. He is starting to get hungry, but he can't stop in anywhere before his next appointment. He figures he will just have to suffer until the meeting is over. It shouldn't take long, or at least he hopes it won't. He hopes that the advisor will let him get the double major, he wants some joy back in his life. 

After thinking about the sandwich, he is going to get later for several minutes the class finally ends. Jesperi waits until the lecture hall clears out before leaving. He walks to the liberal arts building which he has never been into before, so it takes a moment to find the advising offices. He checks in for his appointment and does what he did before; he opens up his problem sets. 

It not even three o'clock when the advisor calls him back. The guy introduced himself as Philip. He got this big red beard that Jesperi is honestly jealous of. He follows the guy back to his office, Philip pulls out a seat for him, and they begin to talk.

The conversation with the liberal art advisor went better than he thought. They contacted the scholarship office who said they would take care of it which came as a shock. Nick has talked about how he’s had to go into their office multiple times to deal with his scholarships. Jesperi will only be taking one studio class along with a lecture next term to try to transition him into the double degree. He happy knowing that he will be able to take a drawing class.


	2. Winter Term: Week One

The first day of classes is always scary, no matter how old you are. The consent fear of being in the wrong class even after you check your schedule five times before entering the room. You never want to be that person who has to run out of the class because you entered the wrong room. That’s why Jesperi has checked his classroom three times, and he hasn’t even gotten up yet. It’s barely eight am and Nick is still asleep, so Jesperi has to be quiet as he moves through the room. 

He grabs his caddy so he can get ready for the day. There are a few guys in the bathroom when he gets in there. He minds his own business. Most of the guys practically grunt at each other to say hello and good morning. One of the guys from down the hall, Evan, says hello to Jesperi, but he can’t get much more than a foamy toothpaste smile out. Evan laughs, and Jesperi doesn’t find it funny. He hurries ups rinsing out his mouth and washing his face, so he doesn’t have to look at his hallmate any longer.

Getting back into his room, Nick looks at him, grunts then roll over to go back to sleep. Jesperi dresses and finishes getting ready. He grabs his backpack, and his phone then heads out the door. He has thirty minutes before his class starts, so he figures he will just get breakfast after class.

Jesperi has never been in the building his writing class is in, so it takes him a bit to find it. He checks his phone a few more times to verify the room number. He is the first person in the room, so he heads to the back corner. He doesn't want to be that annoying tall guy who sits in the middle of the room. He’s never understood why people did that. 

A few people are chatting with each other, but Jesperi sticks to listening to the podcast on his phone. He knows that most of the people in this class are first and second years, but talking to people is stressful. It is scary; he doesn’t want to say anything stupid or annoying. He doesn’t want to give off a bad impression. 

The class is slowly starting to fill. It’s one of the smaller classes he’s been in. Most of his classes last term were large lectures, so this is a change for him. His philosophy class last term was forty people and will maybe be twenty. Nick told him these classes aren’t very big, something about wanting this class to feel like home for first years. Nick called it bullshit, but Jesperi figures he might actually make a friend in a small class. 

He looks thru Instagram. He likes a few posts from his friends back home. Well if someone like his parents asked they were his friends, but if you were to ask them, they would just say Jepseri is just a guy they know. They all look happy, content with them hanging out; just messing around. They don’t seem like they are worried about anything. They don’t look like they are stressed, they just look like they are eighteen-year-olds having a good time. He wonders what that’s like. 

 

More people are coming into the class. A couple of guys take refuge in the back. To be fair one of them is easily as tall as Jesperi and the other one just seems to be a friend wanting to sit with him. Another guy comes in, and he looks like he is thinking about where he is going to sit. There is a confused look on his face, and it’s kind of cute in a weird type of way. He looks Jesperi’s way but turns his head when they make eye contact. The guy opts for a few rows away from the friends. 

The two friends sit a row away from him. He is hoping that they won’t talk through the class or he might have to be the guy who sits in the middle of the class. Jesperi looks at his phone, and there is still fifteen minutes until class starts. He clicks off his podcast in favor of some music, but in the few quiet moments, his ears feel like they are burning. Familiar words are being spoken. 

The pit in Jesperi’s stomach burns like it doesn’t when he calls his parents. The little bit of home in the language is now only a row away. The pair of friends are arguing about the blinds in their room. The taller one is quietly yelling at him while the shorter one is laughing. They go back and forth on closing the blinds when one of them are still trying to sleep. 

Jesperi doesn’t know what made him do it, but he looks at them and says, “So problems with closing the blinds.” 

The pair’s heads snap towards Jesperi, and he immediately regrets it. “We're not alone,” the shorter one says with a smile on his face. The taller one looks confused and annoyed, so Jesperi can cross him off as being a potential friend. 

“The instructor is Finnish,” Jesperi tells them. The taller guy looks even more confused. 

“I know my advisor told me,” the taller one says.

“So did mine,” Jesperi says, “I’m Jesperi.”

“Miro,” the taller one says.

“Eeli,” the short one says.

“Nice to meet you guys.” Jesperi smiles at them hoping they don’t hate him for interrupting their conversation. Miro turns his attention away from Jesperi, and he understands why. There is a tall presence coming down the empty row. The guy that looked scared earlier is coming down by them. He stops in front of the empty desk. “Hi,” Jesperi says.

“I’m sorry, but I heard you guys speaking Finnish. I’m Swedish,” the guy mumbles in English.

“Nice to meet you Swedish,” Eeli laughs getting the Swed to blush.

“What’s your name Swedish?” Miro asks.

“Rasmus,” he tells them, “My advisor told me that the advisor is Finnish cause I don’t think he knows the difference.”

“It happens,” Eeli says.

Rasmus takes a seat in the empty desk. “So what are you guys majoring in?” He asks.

“Environmental engineering,” Miro says.

“Forestry engineering,” Eeli says.

“I’m forestry,” Rasmus tells him. 

“Cool,” Eeli smiles.

“Architectural engineering and a double in studio art,” Jesperi rushes out.

The three of them collectively stare at Jesperi like he is crazy. It takes a few moments before Miro starts to laugh, “Dude you’re going to die.” Eeli slaps his arm getting him to laugh even more.

“That really cool,” Rasmus says with a smile.

“Yeah, it is.” Jesperi digs through his backpack for his notebook, “I just started the double.”

“I’m not kidding that sounds like a death wish,” Miro says.

“Some of us are more focused on our education.” Eeli glares at Miro, “He’s on the soccer team and didn’t pay much attention to his classes last term.”

“My roommate Nick is on the soccer team,” Jesperi says.

“Cool guy,” Miro says.

“I’m on the golf team,” Rasmus mumbles into his sweater.

“The golf team?” Jesperi asks, and he nods, “That’s cool.” He can see the hint of a blush flash across Rasmus’s face, but he quickly ducks his head. Jepseri wants to tell him he is fine, but that would be a weird thing to say to a guy he just met. 

 

He just nods, and then the instructor comes in. If Jesperi remembers his name correctly is Juuse, but when he was looking at his schedule, he was more concerned about the room he was in. The instructor places his things on the desk and looks up at the clock on the wall. He’s just made it in time. 

He waits a few moments for everyone to take their seats before says, “Hi everyone. I’m Juuse Saros, your instructor for this term. Just making sure for anyone that might be confused this is writing 121 so if you are in the wrong class you better rush to your right spot.” One person bolts out of the class, “And that is why I do that.” The class laughs. “So to start everything, I would like everyone to make a circle of desks.” 

The class circles up and go through introductions. Jesperi learns that Juuse is a grad student teaching a section of writing 121 and then two sections of an intro to fiction writing class and he’s getting a degree in creative writing. He seems nice, and it helps to have someone he could connect to. It’s also nice to have Miro and Eeli in the class. Even Rasmus even if he is a Swed. 

They run through the syllabus and chat about the class; Juuse sees if anyone has questions. By the time it is over Jesperi stomach is growling so he heads to get something to eat before his calculus class. So he stops into a university restaurant in the student union that takes his dining plan. He gets breakfast and looks at his schedule for his next class. 

His calc class is with his instructor from last term. The class time will be worthless because all last term he had to teach himself the material. His instructor is a grad student that just isn’t made for teaching. Jesperi is pretty sure most of the class fail either because they didn’t show up or they just didn’t know what was going on. 

Jesperi finished breakfast, so he sits for a little longer. He checks Instagram and Twitter before leaving. He doesn’t have to walk for the class which is nice. The class before he is coming out by the time he gets to the building. Jepseri opts for the middle of the room. People will be able to see in front of him. 

The class moves along slowly. They go over the syllabus and Jesperi wishes he didn’t come. He hates, but it’s just one of those things he needs for his degree. The class comes to an end early. 

He has to walk across campus for his communications class, but that’s what the forty minutes in between class are for. It only takes fifteen at the most, so he sits in the study/ lounge area and waits for the other class to get done. He scrolls through his phone. 

A guy sits across from his getting Jesperi to look up. The guy smiles at him, so Jesperi smiles back. The opens a book and starts to read. Jesperi watches him for a few moments before he gets caught. He shouldn’t feel like he is dying on the inside because he got caught staring some guy, but he does. His cheeks burn and when he finally looks up the stranger is smiling at him.

Jesperi gets up quickly seeing that the before is exciting. He looks back at the stranger one more time, but this time he is reading through his book. Going into his class, he takes a seat in the back corner as he does for most of his classes. A few other people start to fill into the classroom. Jesperi doesn’t look up when someone sits next to him. He continues to scroll through his phone. 

The professor comes into class a few minutes late blaming it on her previous class being a few buildings away. They do introductions of saying their names, major, where they are from, and one or two interesting things about them. The guy that sat next to him says his name is Victor, he’s majoring in Business administration, he’s from Canada, and that he’s on the golf team. Jeseri would have asked him if he knows Rasmus, but for one he barely knows Rasmus and that the professor goes right into giving out syllabuses and then going over the definition of argument as communication. 

The class goes by quickly then it’s off to yoga for Jesperi. He doesn’t know what to expect with yoga. He’s never done it before, but it seemed better than running or a dance class. He has a pair of shorts in his backpack that he changes into once in the building. He’s felt awkward lugging around his yoga mat all day, but once he sees everyone crowding around the room with yoga mats in hand, he sighs. 

The class is mostly made up of girls. They all seem to know each other, and they all seem to take notice of Jesperi. A few of the girls are clearly whispering something about him. The occasional glares at him tell him so. It’s not too late for him to drop this class and take running, but he’s already bought a yoga mat. 

It seems all at once the attention of the girls switched to someone else. Jesperi turns to find a familiar face; Victor from communications stands in the doorway looking around the room. Victor walks towards him giving him a smile. Jesperi smile back. Victor places his mat down next to his. “You’re in my communications class?” Victor asks.

“Yeah, I’m Jesperi,” he says.

“Victor” He stretches out his hand, and Jesperi shakes it. “What are the odds we are the only guys in here.”

“Probably pretty good.”

“All the ladies to ourselves then,’ Victor laughs, but Jesperi doesn’t say anything. 

There is a knock on the wall getting the attention of the class. It was their yoga instructor, and at least the class won’t be looking at him anymore. Anyone could admit that the instructor is good looking and they would be lying if they thought otherwise. “Hello, class. I’m Tyler, your instructor,” he says. 

There is murmuring among the class. Jesperi can hear a clear, ‘oh my god’ from one of the girls getting him too laugh to himself. The sad part is they aren’t wrong. Jesperi though the same thing. The man is something right out of a magazine that he used to skim in the market while waiting for his mom. 

The class starts with Tyler telling them how to stretch out before beginning with some beginner yoga poses. Everything seems very easy, so Jesperi likes it. It’s relaxing, and he can already tell that this is going to be a great way to start his week. They do get let out early since Tyler only wanted them to get the basics of yoga for the first class. 

Jesperi rolls up his mat and says goodbye to Victor. Since they are let out early, it isn’t even four thirty, yet so he just goes back to his room. When he opens the door, Nick isn’t back yet, so he just plops himself on his bed. He stays like that for probably an hour before his stomach growls. 

He goes to the dining hall to get dinner. He hates going around five since everyone else is trying to get dinner. He sets for a sandwich since that line is the shortest. Jesperi goes back to his room and opens his laptop to watch whatever movie is on the university streaming channel.

After finish watching the Hangover and figures, he should set up his Pearson account calculus. It doesn’t take long to do that, so he sets up the one he needs for his writing journal. That takes even less time that his account for calculus. So he starts Hangover 2. 

Hangover 2 turns into watching 21 Jump Street before he realizes that it is nine o’clock and Nick still isn’t back. Nick is a big boy so if he is dying he can text his girlfriend for help. So he grabs his things and heads for the showers. 

He ends his night by falling asleep while watching Bad Moms. 

 

\---

Jesperi wakes up to the sound of rain. He takes one look out the window, and it is pouring. He doesn’t hate the rain, no, if he did he would have taken the scholarship in California. It’s just he raincoat is disgusting since he hasn’t washed it recently. So he is going to have to wear a hoodie. He wouldn’t mind if it were just raining, but no it is pouring hard. 

He looks at his phone, and his alarm will be going off in ten minutes, so he gets up anyways. Getting up means he scrolls through Instagram and Twitter for ten minutes. When his alarm finally goes off, he gets up and gets ready for his day. 

He heads out of the room by eight, so he stops in the dining hall to grab a muffin and fill up his water bottle before heading off to class. He still mad that the class is at eight thirty, but Nick said it was easy and if Nick says it is easy then it is easy. It’s for his western culture requirement, so he is just happy to be getting his general ed almost finished. 

The class is far from his room. The build is maybe a ten-minute walk, so he gets there early. Only a few people are sitting in the class, so he finds a table in the back. The tables are filling as Jesperi finishes his breakfast. He knows he will probably get a tablemate, but hopes he doesn’t. He takes out his laptop an opens up a Google doc to take notes. If Nick is right about this class being easy he won’t be taking many notes; he will work on other classes assignments. 

Jesperi looks up to see someone standing over him, “Is this seat taken?” The stranger asks.

“No.”

“You’re Finnish?” He asks point to his laptop. He has a Finnish flag sticker. Jesperi nods, “Cool me too,” he says in their native language, “I’m Sebastian.”

“Jesperi,” he says.

“Wait are you in writing with Miro and Eeli?” Jesperi nods, “Oh cool. They said they met another Finn in writing. I’m their peer mentor.”

“Oh cool, Jesperi says. Of course, this guy is a mentor; he gives off that vibe. 

“Do you have a peer mentor?”

“I did, but she graduated last term. I didn’t talk with her much. We really only met when she was made to meet with our family,” Jesperi explains.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I did fine without her.”

Sebastian shakes his head, “Doesn’t matter if you did fine. The mentoring program is about making someone feel like they are welcomed.”

“Really it’s okay,” Jesperi says.

“Alright.” Sebastian gives up, “So Miro and Eeli were excited when they said they found another Finn. Don’t let them know though.”  
*  
“Won’t say a word.” Jesperi smiles. 

Sebastian is about to say something when their professor came in. They begin, and Jesperi doesn’t pay much attention. He just watches the professor talk, and he could really enjoy this class. Well, he could enjoy looking at their professor. He feels slimy for that thought. 

Sebastian waves goodbye once class is over. Jesperi has to rush over to his art lecture. It’s for any first-year art students, so Jesperi feels like he doesn’t fit in. It’s odd because everyone is in class just looks like an art student. Jesperi doesn’t know how to say it, but there is just an art student look, and he doesn’t fit into it. 

That class goes for the full hour and twenty minutes. He has forty minutes until his next class starts, so he goes to a coffee shop near the build his next class is in. He gets a tea, and chicken wrap then heads to his drawing class. 

Only a few people are in the class by the time he gets in there. He takes a seat on one of the drawing horse and he can already tell a three-hour studio class on a drawing horse is going to suck. A few people are chatting with each other, just like his last class they give off the art student vibes. 

Just like every class, he has been in so far they go over the syllabus. They also introduced themselves. Jesperi could feel the rooms eyes on him when he said he is majoring in architectural engineering and studio art. His instructor asks how he got to that combo, and all he could say is that he likes buildings and drawing. The rest of the class continues as normal.

They are let out early so they can buy their art kits. Jesperi makes his way down to the book store and wants to cry by the time he leaves. His art kit was one forty; he had to pick up his writing textbook which was twenty-five since he rented it, he had to buy his comm textbook for one hundred but hopes he can sell it back. He also bought his calc textbook last night for ninety-five. So in the last two days, he has spent over three hundred dollars. He wants to cry.


	3. Winter Term: Week Two

The first weeks turns into the second, and Jesperi already feels like he is drowning. He has two problems sets for calc, an article review for ethics, a reading check for comm, two chapter quizzes for art lecture, and his gestural drawing write up. He can’t complain because he has done this to himself. He can’t half-ass it either. He needs this double major to work. 

It’s only Tuesday, so he has some time to finish his homework. Sebastian wasn’t in ethics, so he works on his calc problem sets. He finishes them before class is over, so he takes both of his art quizzes. He goes to the art lecture that practically puts him to sleep. He does his gesture drawing write up then tries to work on his article review, but figures he should pay attention.

He has forty minutes between classes, so he gets lunch. While eating, he writes his article review, and now he feels like he can finally breathe. He doesn’t know how he is going to make it through the term. 

He leaves for his class fifteen minutes before it starts. Lugging his art kit up two flights of stairs, he enters the classroom. Most of the class is already there, so he is lucky that the taller drawing horse he was using last week was still available. He grabs for a drawing board then pulls out his gestural drawing. 

Class starts and like last week no one sits next to him. He listens to the instructor tell them that they will be critiquing the drawings in small groups. He continues by saying that the second half of the class will be them trying to do a portrait. The instructor tells them that this is a drawing to show progress through the ten weeks, but Jesperi thinks he just doesn't want to start the next project yet.

The instructor is about to break them up into groups when someone sits next to him. Jesperi looks over to see the cute blonde guy from last week. He thinks his name is Brock, but he is not sure. The presence doesn’t stick around long because they are separated into groups.

Jesperi fidgets with his hands when he introduces himself to his group. He doesn’t say more than he has to. He talks during his turn, but it’s short. He didn’t even realize how low he was speaking until he was asked if he could speak up. He just fidgets with his hands some more before going back to their seats. 

They are to find a partner for the portrait drawings. Jesperi looks around the room, but most people are already in pairs. He is scanning the room when he eyes meet Brock’s. Brock walks over and asks if he needs a partner. Jesperi just nods. 

The class is told there is no right or wrong way to start to drawing for today, as long as they are drawing from observation it is fine. Jesperi just knows his drawing is going to turn out horrible. He’s never been into drawing people. When classmates in Finland would ask he would say no. He also does have the patience for it. 

They turn there drawing horses, and Jesperi is being drawn first. Brock introduces himself as well Brock and Jesperi can’t help, but feel proud of himself for getting his name right. When Jesperi introduces himself, it takes two times for Brock to get it right, but he understands. 

Brock starts with what seems to be an outline of his face, but Jesperi isn’t really sure. All he sees is the really confused look in Brock’s face. He looks lost. Then he looks like he going to laugh. “Sorry, this is going to look terrible,” Brock says.

Jesperi shrugs, “It’s okay mine won’t look any better.”

“Drawing isn’t my strong suit,” Brock tells him. 

“It’s okay.” Jesperi shrugs again. 

“I’m better with graphic design.”

“Never done that.”

“Oh, dude I love it.”

“Are you a graphic design major?” Jesperi asks.

“No digital comm,” Brock tells him, “What about you?”

“Architectural engineering and studio art.”

“Oh yeah. When you said that during introductions I was just like wow you're ambitious.”

Jesperi just shrugs. The conversation goes quiet after that. He left to listen to the conversations around them. He listens in on the two girls near them, they’re sorority sisters, and they are talking about some function with some frat this weekend. It’s as interesting as he thought it would be. They mostly just talk about getting drunk and hooking up with some guy.

Drinking and going to parties seem to be the only thing that people care about around here. Or going on hikes, but that is rare compared to the partying. It turns out the university is a partying school and he didn’t know that. When he asked Nick about it, he said that’s what it means when the town is named, ‘One of the best college towns in America.’ Apparently, that is code for this place is known for partying. 

He doesn’t get why partying is sure a big thing. If he wanted to get drunk, he would rather do it in a small group and just have a few beers. He doesn’t want to blackout like some of the people in his classes. All he feels like he hears about is what party is going to be happening, what frat or sorority are you in, and if you know a plug for alcohol. He doesn't understand it, so he just labels it as an American thing. 

There is a hand waving in front of his face. Brock smiles at him telling him it’s time to switch. Jesperi nods and grabs for the charcoal then turn on his timer. He starts out with a general construction of the face. He gets the loose shapes in. 

“You’re quiet,” Brock says.

“Thanks.” Jesperi doesn’t know how to respond to that. 

“No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s just it’s kinda nice.”

“I guess.” Jesperi gets a rough outline of Brock’s hair. 

“You remind me of my boyfriend’s roommate. He’s very quiet.”

“And you talk a lot,” Jesperi points out.

“Oh, sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine. It’s not a bad thing.”

The conversation dies down for a bit. Jesperi is working on the shape of Brock’s face. It’s hard to get down, but he is going to do the best he can. He is able to get to the eyes before the timer goes off.

It’s now Jesperi’s turn to model. He can see Brock trying to focus on drawing but is having a hard time. He looks up from his pad a few times and laughs because clearly, something is not going right. “Sorry this is going to look bad,” he tells him.

“It’s fine,” Jesperi says.

“So, where are you from?”

“Finland.”

“Cool. My boyfriend is from Sweden. Do you play a sport or something cause he only came because he on the golf team,” Brock says? 

It can’t be Rasmus; it can’t be. “What’s your friend’s name?”

“Elias,” Brock tells him, “You know him?”

“No, I don’t. There is a Swede in my writing class, he on golf. Rasmus.”

“Oh, that’s Elias roommate. Elias opted to say in the dorms for another year when they said there was going to be another Swed on the team,” Brock tells him, “He’s very quiet.”

“He is.”

“He’s a good guy though. Elias had helped him out a lot last term,” Brock says.

“That is good,” Jesperi says, “Also no I don’t play a sport. I got the president’s scholarship.”

“Damn.”

They go quiet again. Brock gives up on his drawing, so Jesperi takes his turn. He doesn’t get to finish before class is over, but Brock likes it anyways. If Jesperi were being honest, he would say it was much better than Brock’s, but he likes to think he is a good person, so he leaves that to himself.

The pair grows quiet again. It’s another twenty minutes before Brock gives up. Jesperi uses the rest of the class time to work on Brock, but doesn’t get to finish by the time the class comes to an end. Brock shows him the portrait, and if Jesperi doesn’t want to be rude, so he just smiles. Brock says he likes Jesperi’s and since Jesperi is a nice person he tells Brock that his looks good even though he’s not sure if he should be offended by what Brock thinks he looks like. 

Jesperi heads back to his room for the day. 

\---

Jesperi groans as he wakes up. Nick throws a pillow at him to turn off his alarm. He does then just lays in bed. He doesn’t want to get up. He was up until two am dealing with drunk Nick. He’s still pissed off that Nick got drunk on a Tuesday night. He can’t believe that he got that drunk on a Tuesday.

After about ten minutes of laying there, he finally gets up. He lags while getting ready meaning he is running late to class. He’s only a few minutes late when he rushes into the room. 

He takes a seat next to Rasmus who smiles up at him. Jesperi can’t help but smile back. Juuse continues the powerpoint that they started on Monday. It’s about ethos, pathos, and logos which Jesperi already knows so he tells himself mentally check out for a bit.

It’s not until Rasmus nudges him that he realizes everyone is getting into pairs. Rasmus asks if he wants to be a pair and he isn’t about to say no to him. It’s something about the way his hair falls in his face that Jesperi can’t resist. He’s not even known this guy for more than a week, and he’s already found something he thinks is cute. 

Juuse starts handing out worksheets then explains he will be showing different commercials so they can pick out what is ethos, pathos, and logos. It seems straightforward, so Jesperi is okay with it. They watch three commercials; one about a humane society, another about a dieting service, and another advertising bottled water. 

Jesperi finishes the worksheet while they are playing, but when he looks at Rasmus, he hasn’t even written his name yet. Juuse turns the lights back on, and Jesperi turns to Rasmus. He’s clearly not paying attention to what's going on. He does flinch when he hears the girl and guy pair behind laughs. 

“So for the first video what you think they used?” Jesperi asks.

“Ethos,” Rasmus says.

“They also used pathos because of the dogs in cages. That sparks emotion to get people to donate.”

“Yeah yeah,” Rasmus mumbles.

“What about the second video?” 

Rasmus pauses for a few moments trying to think, “Would ethos be the stats used?”

“Logos because that is logic and reasoning.”

“Oh okay.” Rasmus flips through the notes he was taking and writes that down. “Guess I just don’t fully get it.”

“If you want I could help you study it,” Jesperi offers.

“Yeah that would be nice,” Rasmus says, “It is hard to keep up with golf and all.”

“I get that. We can get breakfast after this if you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Sure.” He fiddles with his hands.

Juuse calls for the classes attention. They get back into a circle and have a discussion of what they think is being used in the video. Jesperi tunes out for the rest of the class. Rasmus kicks at his foot when Juuse says they can go early.

The pair grabs there bags and walk out of the building. The student union is across the street, so they go figure they will eat at the restaurant that takes their dining plan. The line luckily is long. Jesperi gets a breakfast burrito while Rasmus gets an acai bowl. They grab their numbers and find a table.

They settle into a table in the back corner. Rasmus pulls out his notebook, and Jesperi does the same. “So ethos, pathos, and logos,” Rasmus says.

“What do you need help with?” Jesperi asks.

“I know pathos is emotion, but I get confused with ethos and logos.” 

Jesperi goes through ethos and logos while Rasmus writes down some notes. It seems like he is getting the concept. He doesn't seem like a dull guy, so he is sure Rasmus will be fine. They get their food and Jesperi has Rasmus goes through some of the examples Juuse gave them in class. Rasmus gets most of them but does take him some time to get through it all. 

They talk about the series of papers they have to write. Jesperi tells him that he found a video on male artists and about their popularity and how he is going to talks about female artists. Rasmus tells him he is going to use one of the You Can Play campaign videos and either right about sexuality or diversity. He said he will probably do diversity because it is going to be easier and there is more information on it. 

Rasmus talks about his other classes so Jesperi says, “So are you struggling in any of your other class cause I wouldn’t mind helping.”

“I’m struggling a little in math,” Rasmus says.

“Which one?” Jesperi asks.

Rasmus looks down. “112.” 

“Oh well I’m in calc, so maybe I could help.” Jesperi gets his friend to lift his head. 

“Really?” Rasmus smiles. 

“Yeah.” Jesperi nods.

“That would be nice,” Rasmus says.

“What about your other classes?” 

“My forestry class seems alright, and I have a friend in health.”

“I took health last term so if you ever need help.”

“Thanks, but my friend Casey, we have already said we would study together. He is great even if he can’t stop talking in class.”

“That’s good that you have someone to study with.”

“Yeah, it is. Casey is a great guy; he really is a wonderful guy.” Rasmus covers his smile with his hand and Jesperi wishes he didn’t. “It helps that he is cute too.” Jesperi’s smile drops, “Is it a problem that I’m gay?” Rasmus asks.

“No not at all,” Jesperi tells him, “No problem.”

“Good because you are super cool and nice,” Rasmus says.

“Yeah, no problem at all.” Jesperi checks his phone, and his class is going to start in fifteen minutes, so he needs to head out, “I got to go. I have class at eleven, so I’ll see you Friday.”

“See you.” Rasmus smiles up at him while he packs up his things. Jesperi gives him a small wave as he leaves the table before heading out of the student union. 

Jesperi wishes he just skipped class in favor of talking with Rasmus. He could have sat there for hours and just talked with Rasmus, and that would’ve been so much better than calculus. He could have learned about his friend, about his childhood, about Sweden, about his likes and dislikes, hell he would learn about Casey if that meant he could talk with Rasmus. He wants to know Rasmus.

It’s something about the way he looks at jesperi. The way his hair will fall in his face. Jesperi just wants to move it out of the way. Rasmus is oddly cute and Jesperi doesn’t know how to deal with that.


	4. Winter Term: Week Three part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to get wine drunk on a Tuesday and listen to Beyonce's Homecoming live album and write chapter 3 part 1 instead of doing homework. So yes I am sorry if there are any mistakes because yes this is written and edited mildly wine drunk. 
> 
> Literally, I have another short story draft due tomorrow about getting drunk and I'm procrastinating on the draft drink wine and writing fanfic. I'm procrastinating because I cried last night about the Pred losing and now sad about the Leafs.

Most people don’t like Mondays, but Jesperi doesn’t care either way. It’s another day meaning it’s another day that he is probably stressed. He waited until the last minute to do his calc homework because he had been working on a drawing assignment. Jesperi almost forgot about his communications reading check because he was working on his ethics reading. He is thankful that all of the art lecture quiz answers are on Quizlet, so he doesn’t have to do the reading for them. The daily journal entries for writing turn in to him writing out his assignments for other classes which Juuse did tell them to do.

The only time Jesperi feels like he can breathe is during the two hours in yoga. He able to focus his mind on something else, he can focus on himself or well he can focus on Tyler. It’s hard not to look at Tyler’s ass while he is teaching them a new pose. Jesperi feels bad about it and does his best to focus on Tyler as a whole. He really does try his best, but when Jesperi happens to turn his attention away from himself and look up to see Tyler wiping his face with the bottom of his t-shirt, it can be distracting. His ass and abs can be very distracting.

It’s even harder without Victor around. Victor being there means he can’t get caught stealing glances at Tyler. It’s easier knowing that Victor could catch him any minute, so he should just focus on himself. Now that Victor’s away at a golf tournament he doesn’t have someone there to stop him.

Jesperi knows that he shouldn’t stare at Tyler because he is objectifying him and he is just trying to do his job, but hell it’s hard. He’s a handsome man, and Jesperi is only human. He feels bad about it, he really does. So Jesperi does his best to focus on himself and focus on reliving his stress.

After working on himself, Jesperi is able to head back home. Nick isn’t in the room by the time he gets back. He lays around for able an hour before his stomach growls for him to go get something to eat. The dining hall can only be good for so long so he figures he might as well go to the store tomorrow.

Coming back with a sandwich Jesperi gets a head start on his calc homework for the week. He is able to get the first half done before he grows tired of it. He watches Baby Driver before realizing he needs to get more work done. He looks over the assignments he needs to get done and says screw it, he can do it later.

It around ten o’clock that he gets a text from his mother. It eight am there so Jesperi figures he could give her a call. The phone only rings twice before she picks up, “Hello,” she says. Even if he does have Eeli, Miro, and Sebastian, there is something about hearing his native language from his mother that makes him feel at home.   
“Hi mama,” he says.

“How are you?”

“Good. How are you?”

“Good, but I miss you every day.”

“Miss you too.”

“How’s school?”

“It’s good. My drawing class is fun.”

“I’m glad.”

“How’s everyone there?” Jesperi asks getting his mother to go off about his dad. She tells him about his work and his coworkers. She tells him about the lady from down the street that has been driving his mother crazy. Jesperi would be lying if he said it didn’t make him laugh. He has to hold back his laughter.

Nick comes back when his mother is telling him about the woman in the grocery store that she wanted to practically fight because she was getting snippy about the price of fruit. Jesperi did let himself laugh at that because his mother was laughing. Nick smiles at him and put his earbuds in to lay in bed.

Jesperi was having a good time until his mother asked, “Have you found a nice girl yet?” He hasn’t told his mother that he is gay yet. He never really knew how to tell her. He stays quiet, so she asked, “Did you find a girl?”

“No, no girls,” Jesperi tells her. They stay quiet; he can just hear his mother breathing. He wants to tell her, but he doesn’t know how.

“Find a nice American girl. She will think you are lovely.” Jesperi gets up and heads out of the room. He really doesn’t want to cry in front of Nick, “You deserve a nice girlfriend. I want you to have some fun.”Jesperi walks out to the fire escape to take a seat. Sitting on the stairs, Jesperi lets out a shaky breath. “Are you okay?”

His heart is racing. “I met a nice boy though,” Jesperi tells her.

“Oh, well that’s okay. Have you gone out on a date with this boy?” She asks.

“No, I think he likes someone else.”

“I’m sorry honey.”

“It’s okay.”

“Maybe you don’t need an American boy then,” his mom lets out a little laugh.

“He’s not American. He is Swedish.”

“Okay then just find a nice boy that will treat you good.”

“Than you mama,” he sighs, “So you okay with me being gay?”

“Your my son correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will always love you,” she says.

Jesperi can’t help, but let out a few tears when she says that. “I love you, mama.”

“I love you too,” she says, “I got to go.”

“Alright, bye.”

“Bye.” His mother ends the call.

Jesperi sits in the stairwell and lets a few tears out. He’s finally told his mother, and she was okay with it. He doesn't know if she will tell his dad, but he is sure that she will. His mother just wants him happy, and he loves her for that.

It’s not even a few more moments later that he gets a text from his dad. _Love you too. I always will._ Jesperi lets out a sob. He was so scared before, and now he knows his parents love him.

The door to the stairwell opens, and Jepseri hurries up to wipe his tears away. His RA Morgan is staring down at him. “You okay? I heard crying.” He asks.

“Yeah, everything is great.”

“Okay.”

Morgan closes the door behind him. Jesperi waits for a little longer before returning back into the building.

\---

Tuesday runs better and even quicker than he thought it would. So he heads back to his dorm to grab a few shopping bags then takes the mile walk to the grocery store. He could have waited to for the bus to Freddy’s but the walk is not so bad, and for once it’s not raining.

He walks around the store and grabs the simple things. He gets shampoo and stuff like that. He gets a few apples and oranges because all the fruit on campus is either gross or way too expensive for how beat up it is. Jesperi gets a few boxes of hot pockets and even the Smuckers peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He grabs a jar of instant coffee because he’s been spending way too much of his dining plan on coffee.

Jesperi could have easily got all of this stuff on campus, but it wouldn’t have been thirty dollars. It would have closer to fifty. He rather spend his own money on the good stuff than his dining plan on something not as good and more expensive.

The only downside to this all is walking outside to it pouring. He doesn’t want to walk back with bags of groceries in the rain, so he waits for the bus. He’s grateful that the bus is free and that Nick and him figured out the bus system around two the first week they were there.

He sits next to a guy on the bench to wait. He doesn't know how long it will take, but he rather just wait it out. He does glace over at the guy's phone. The stranger is on Tinder and Jesperi can’t help but watch him swipe thru guys and girls. He’s always been curious about Tinder about but has been too scared to download it. Nick told him it was a good idea, but what does Nick know. He is the one that came to university with a girlfriend.

Jesperi does look away to give the stranger privacy. He grabs his own phone to see he’s got a Snap from Rasmus. His friend is laying in bed and asks if he wants to study. Jesperi sends back a picture of the gas station across the way and says he’s waiting for the bus. Rasmus replies immediately to say he can wait.

Jesperi didn’t get a chance to respond before Rasmus Snaps him again. He is sticking out his tongue and says he wants to see him. He is about to respond when he gets another Snap. Rasmus takes a picture of the wall and says that was meant for Casey. Of course, it was meant for Casey. He just sends Rasmus back a thumbs up.

He scrolls through Twitter and Instagram. He reads over a few articles on the Habs before getting bored. He reads the article for writing before getting another Snap from Rasmus. This time he is smiling at the camera asking if he wants to get coffee later. Jesperi just says sure.

Rasmus gets back a picture of him grinning. Jesperi can’t help, but take a screenshot of it. He sends a picture of him smiling back and Rasmus screenshots it. Jesperi doesn’t expect to get a Snap back, but he does. He doesn’t open it because the bus pulls up.

He takes a seat in the back and then opens his phone. It’s a picture of a guy he doesn’t know. It’s another blonde guy. Jesperi doesn’t think it is Elias cause he’s seen Brock’s lock screen of the too of them. It’s actually a really cute picture of them; Brock has a hand on his boyfriend's cheek as he kisses him.

Jesperi just sends back question marks. Rasmus sends back another picture of the guy, and he should have known. It’s Casey. Of course, that is Casey. Jesperi just sends a picture of him giving a thumbs up.

He rather not study with Rasmus if he is with Casey. So he sends another Snap. He asks Rasmus if they can study another day because he is tired from classes and going shopping. Rasmus tells him it is okay in a phone of him laying his head on Casey’s shoulder.

He wishes there wasn’t a nice Swedish boy in his life. He wishes it was a nice American boy like his mother said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this wasn't much, but I really wanted to write this chapter. I promise that the next chapter will be longer, but it will take a hot minute for it to be finished cause a girl is busy.


	5. Winter Term: Week Three part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underage drinking because the States.

It’s the first day that Jesperi feels like he can breathe. His art lecture got canceled, so Sebastian invited him to get lunch with him and one of his friends. Sebastian said he is another Finn, so it sounds good to him. They just go to the restaurant that takes his dining plan in the student union.

Sebastian says his friend is running a little late, so they order food ahead of him. The line is long because of the lunch rush, but it doesn’t take to long to order. They find a seat shortly after.

The pair chatted for a little bit until Sebastian waves to someone behind Jesperi. He turns around to see a tall blond guy walking their way. He smiles at them. He steps beside the table and looks at Jesperi.

“Jesperi this is Mikko. Mikko this is Jesperi,” Sebastian introduces them.

“Hi," Jesperi says. 

“Hi,” Mikko says taking a seat next to Sebastian.

“Jesperi knows Eeli and Miro,” Sebastian tells Mikko.

“So you’ve met the children,” Mikko laughs. Sebastian hits his arm, “Stop it.”

Jesperi shrugs, “I just kind of know them. We have writing together.”

“With Juuse?” Mikko asks, and he nods, “Good Juuse is a great guy but annoying with his boyfriend.”

“Mikko!” Sebastian warns.

“What, he is,” Mikko says, and Sebastian just glares at him, “Oh shit yeah forget you heard that.”

“I don’t care,” Jesperi mumbles.

“It’s just Juuse’s boyfriend is older and well known here,” Sebastian whispers even if know no one else knows what they are saying.

Jesperi’s eyes go wide, his grad instructor is fucking a professor. “It’s not what you think,”’ Mikko says, “Juuse was never in any of his classes or anything like that. Just forget you heard anything.”

“Yeah I know nothing,” Jesperi says.

“So how you liking it here?” Mikko quilty changes the subject. 

"It's really nice here, but still adjusting."

“It takes a little bit to get used to,” Mikko says, “What are you majoring in?”

“Architectural engineering with a double in studio art.” Jesperi watches the girl brings over his food. 

“Good god,” Mikko says as Jesperi takes the plate. 

“I thought you were just some kind of art, but damn,” Sebastian says.

“I came in with architectural engineering, but I knew my scholarships would cover a double so I figure I might as well do it.” He takes a bit of his rice and the two stare at him.

“Fucking hell.” Is all Mikko can say before his food comes.

They don’t talk about a whole hell of a lot while they eat. Jesperi does learn that Mikko is studying design and innovation management and is on the rowing team. Along with Sebastian studying kinesiology which for some reason Jesperi didn’t know. He also learns that they have another roommate; Teuvo who is a grad student that is also studying kinesiology.

Mikko tells Jesperi that Sebastian and Teuvo are practically married. Sebastian just laughs and tells Mikko to fuck off, but why the way he smiles and blushes when Mikko says it Jesperi can tell there is something there. It seems like it’s the first time he’s seen Sebastian has smiles that big.

Jesperi is about to head out for drawing when Mikko stops him. “You should come over Friday. We are having a party with some of the guys,” Mikko tells him.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jesperi says grabbing for his drawing kit.

“It’s nothing big, trust me if it was I wouldn’t be letting him have it,” Sebastian says.

“It’s just going to be us, the children, and Teuvo. If Miro and Eeli weren’t in Juuse class, he would be there, but sadly not this term,” Mikko explains.

“If you want you can bring a friend,” Sebastian tells him.

“Maybe,” Jesperi says.

 

  
That’s how Jesperi ends up standing outside of their apartment with Rasmus on Friday night. Jesperi didn’t know that there were so many people out on Friday night. It was raining, and the number of girls in mini skirts and tanks top were impressive, he had to applaud them for their efforts. Rasmus mumbles on the walk how he was cold, and his shoes were wet because of the rain.

After knocking on the door twice, Miro finally answer. “KK brought the Swed,” he yells into the apartment.

They are hurried into the apartment. Sebastian peaks his head around the corner with a bright smile. “Hey guys,” Sebastian greets.

“Hi,” Jesperi says, “This is Rasmus.”

“Hi,” Rasmus mumbles.

“I’m Sebastian.”

“Rasmus.”

Sebastian leads them into the living room. Jesperi knows everyone, but the guy is leaning up against the wall talking to Eeli. Sebastian walks them over to him, “Jesperi, Rasmus; this is Teuvo.”

“Hey,” Jesperi says.

“Hi,” Rasmus mumbles.

"Hey." Teuvo smiles when he shakes both of their hands.

He touches Sebastian's shoulder getting the other man to lean in and says something that Jesperi doesn't fully catch. He talks in almost a whisper saying something about heading out to get some more beer. Sebastian places a hand over Teuvo's when he nods. Jesperi can't help, but notice how Sebastian squeezes his hands before letting go. Teuvo just nods to them before heading out of the room.

Sebastian takes Rasmus to Mikko so he can introduce them. Eeli shows Jesperi were he can get a beer. He looks at the can he pulls out of the fridge; Rolling Rock he's never had it. He grabs one for Rasmus and heads back. Opening his, he takes a drink and immediately wants to hand it off to someone else. It's tastes terrible. Jesperi can do beer, but it is just awful.

He hands Rasmus his beer and smiles at him before returning to the conversation with Mikko. They are talking about Rasmus being on golf and Mikko being on rowing. Jesperi leaves them to talk, and heads over to Sebastian who is watching Miro and Eeli start up Mario Cart.

He takes a seat on the couch getting Sebastian to smile at him. Jesperi takes a sip of the beer and shivers as it goes down. "This stuff tastes like ass," he tells Sebastian.

"Yeah sorry, it's cheap," Sebastian says.

"I can tell." Jesperi takes another sip.

"We buy what Mikko is willing to pay for." Sebastian takes a sip of his beer.

Jesperi laughs then drinks as much beer that he can without gagging. Sebastian seems to do the same, but also seem less fazed by the taste. He looks over at Rasmus who is laughing at something Mikko says. He drinks even more of his beer.

Miro hands him a controller along with Sebastian so the four of them can play. Eeli gets up to grab four more beers before the game starts. Miro says it is time for drunk Mario Cart before practically chugging his beer. Jesperi could never.

After about three rounds Mikko and Rasmus have migrated over to the couch. Rasmus sits on the floor by Jesperi's legs and leans into him. He isn't sure what number beer Rasmus is on, but he is pretty sure it isn't the one he handed him.

Jesperi is only halfway through his second one when Rasmus gets up to get himself another. He comes back with one for Jesperi, but he just shakes his head. So he gives it to Miro, who has already crushed three beers while playing. Jesperi doesn't even want to know how many he's had before they got there.

It's only another round before Teuvo comes back. He is carrying two cases. "What the fuck did you buy?" Mikko asks.

"Something that isn't Rolling Rock." He rolls his eyes.

"Seriously what did you get?" Sebastian asks.

"Natty Light pink lemonade and Coors. I can't drink that shit anymore."

Sebastian gets up to help him put the beer away. Jesperi hurries up and downs his beer, so he doesn't have to drink it anymore. He shakes as he swallows it all down.

He gets up so he can grab another beer. Entering the kitchen Jesperi stops in his tracks. Teuvo stands behind Sebastian with his arms wrapped around his waist; his head rested on his shoulder. They sway to music that isn't there, and it's honestly adorable. Jesperi doesn't want to interrupt it, but he really wants a beer.

He doesn't know if he should act like this is normal, but he does anyway. He walks towards the fridge to take one of the beers out. The pair jump apart when they hear the fridge open. Jesperi smiles and grabs two beers and heads back into the living room.

Jesperi takes his seat and hands the pink lemonade beer to Rasmus. He watches Rasmus pound the last bit of Rolling Rock back. Jesperi can already feel that it isn't going to be a good thing. He just shakes his head, opens his beer, and takes a drink anyways.

A few rounds of Mario Cart later the guys forget about the game. Rasmus has been hammered for about an hour and cut off for a half hour. It was fun at first. Rasmus was so talkative and excited in the begin, but now it is kind of just sad. He's been going on about Casey and how much he likes him.

Jesperi feels like a fool. He knows that Rasmus is basically gone on him, but he thought there might be some sliver of hope for him. The past hour has been a reminder that things just don't always go your way. That you shouldn't hold out hope on someone that considers you their second option. Rasmus was supposed to hang out with Casey, but he had to cancel to work a night shift at the bowling alley.

He didn't understand how Rasmus got fucked up so quickly, but after about ten minutes of talking about pizza Rasmus mentioned he hadn't eaten since four thirty. It already eleven. Sebastian gave him a bag of chips in hopes it would help some. It hasn't.

Rasmus is currently going on about Casey, talking about his stupid smile, his dumb hair, and how he is _such a good person_. Jesperi has had enough, and it looks like Sebastian and Teuvo who's been listening to it all have as well. Rasmus is still sitting on the floor, so he has his head tipped back against Sebastian's leg, who being is such a good sport about it all and Jesperi is thankful for that.

Mikko chuckles when Sebastian pets Rasmus head when he seems like he is getting upset over Casey. Jesperi glares at him getting Mikko to send another look of pity. It's the same look Mikko gave him almost an hour ago when they both got up to get another beer.

It's really time for them to go. Jesperi grabs their empty beer cans and takes them into the kitchen for recycling. Mikko follows after. "Heading out?" Mikko questions.

"Yeah, he's been saying the same shit about Casey for the last ten minutes, so I think it is time to go."

“So soon,” Mikko teases, and Jesperi just glares at him, “Alright, you want me to get you guys an Uber home?”

“No, we’ll stop to get something to eat.”

“Okay, I’ll help you grab him from Sebastian.” Mikko leads them into the living room.

Jesperi motions for Rasmus' hands, “Come on time to go.”

“But I was talking.” He practically pouts.

“I’ll buy you pizza on the walk back,” Jesperi tells him.

“Okay.” Rasmus grabs his hands. He stumbles for a second, but he balances out easy. “Bye guys,” he says to the group.

There goodbyes in Finnish and Swedish as they walk out of the room. Jesperi waves to them and tells Mikko he’ll text him or Sebastian when they get back to the dorms.

The sobriety slowly comes back to Rasmus, he still clearly drunk, but it’s better. He is able to walk into the pizza place with ease. Jesperi buys them a pepperoni pizza and Gatorade for them. Rasmus downs most of his while waiting for the pizza. One it comes out Rasmus snags a piece for the leave then another on the walk back.

Jesperi digs through Rasmus pants because he can’t find his id. It turns out he had in his phone case and couldn’t remember. Jesperi scans them in, and thankfully Rasmus is able to walk a straight line to the elevator and is able to wait with little to no wobbling. He is sure that Rasmus’ RAs don’t really care what is happening. It seems like they have already had a hell of a night.

Getting Rasmus to his room was a lot easier than he thought it would be. Rasmus is fairly easy to move for such a tall guy. Jesperi wanted to knock on the door, but Rasmus opens the door with his keys. He wishes he stopped Rasmus and knocked.

The door opens and Elias pulls away from Brock. Rasmus doesn’t either know what’s going on or he doesn’t care because he just walks into the room. Elias looks mortified, and Brock doesn’t lock any better.

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to knock, but he is well,” Jesperi tries to rush out but gets cut off.

“He’s drunk,” Elias says as Rasmus jumps into bed.

“Yeah.” Jesperi looks away as Brock pulls a shirt on, “He should be fine. He got Gatorade, and I feed him.”

“Jesperi can I have another slice of pizza?” Rasmus asks as he tries to take his pants off. He is trying to shimmy them off, but they get caught on his thighs. Jesperi looks away; he doesn't want to see Rasmus like this.

Jesperi sighs, “Sure buddy.” Elias throws a roll of paper towels at him, and Jesperi puts a slice on. He turns back to find Rasmus is already in his boxer and managed to toss his shirt on the floor. He kneels on his bed and places a kiss on his cheek when he hands the slice over. Jesperi sighs and pushes him back. He really wishes this wasn't when he is drunk.

Elias groans something Swedish getting Rasmus to giggle. He literally fucking giggles. Jesperi wishes that didn't get him like it does.

“I’m sorry about this," Jesperi says.

“It’s fine,” Elias says. He then turns attention to Brock to kiss him goodbye, “See you later.”

“Bye baby," Brock says getting Elias face to soften.

Jesperi begins to walk away, but Brock jogs up to him. “Sorry about that,” Jesperi says.

“It’s probably better you came in when you did,” Brock says, “Which dorm you in?”

“Thorn.”

“I have to walk that way anyway.” They wait for the elevator but takes the stairs when it takes to long. When past the RAs, Brock finally ask, “So you got Rasmus drunk?”

“Didn’t mean for it to happen,” Jesperi says.

“Who do you even know that’s twenty-one?”

“My friend Sebastian, him and his roommates are all older.”

“Well, you know three people. I’m twenty-two.”

“Oh, you are in a lot of,” Jesperi is cut off.

“I started college later,” Brock tells him.

“Oh." He kind of feels like an asshole now. 

“No, it’s alright.”

“I feel bad for Elias. He has to deal with drunk Rasmus.”

“If it makes you feel better, it looked like he was out for the night.” Brock laughs a little, “What is drunk Rasmus like?”

Jesperi takes a drink of his Gatorade; he’s got cotton mouth like a mother fucker, “He’s very talkative.”

“What a shock,” Brock says.

“He talked about this guy a lot.  Sebastian was nice enough to listen to him even when he had to string drunk Swedish and English together."

“Who was he talking about?”

“I should not say. He is drunk. It’s not my place to say.”

“Damn okay.” Brock pinches the bridge of his nose, “It’s just my roommate, and him are in health and…”

Jesperi cuts him off,” Health?”

“Yeah, Casey.”

“So is it a good thing that Rasmus seems to have this massive crush on him?”

Brock just stops, “Fuck, a very good thing.” Jesperi stops with him, and it feels like he was just stabbed in the chest.

“Just don’t say anything," Brock looks puzzled, “I feel bad for telling you. It is Rasmus’ business, not mine.”

“Oh yeah I understand. Just can I encourage Casey to be more bold with him.”

Jesperi wants to say no, “I guess.”

“Cool,” Brock says, “It’s just I introduced them last term when Elias wanted Rasmus to make more friends. Casey took to him and well it seemed like Rasmus took to him, but he is just you know shy.”

“I know what you are talking about.” Jesperi knows from the way Rasmus will try to hide when Juuse calls on him in class or when they have gotten breakfast together, and he mumbles his order.

“Casey seems to be really into him and whenever they get the chance they seem like they are always together.”

Jesperi knows he has gotten several snaps from just this week of Rasmus having dinner with Casey or them studying in the library together. He doesn’t want to know any more about them together. “How do you know Casey?”

“Our mom’s work together in Minnesota. We both were coming here at the same time with similar majors, so our parents felt like it was fate. We meet before moving out here, became roommates, and we haven’t changed anything since then,” Brock tells him.

“That’s nice.” Jesperi nods.

“It is.”

“Two Minnesota boys find them some Swedes.”

“Shut up.”

“It is true.”

“I guess so.” Brock stops in front of his dorm, “This is you.”

“Yeah. See you on Tuesday.”

“See ya Tuesday.”

Jesperi scans him into the building. He waves to his RAs then gets into the elevator. He sends a text to Mikko saying he got Rasmus back okay and that he’s headed up to his room. Opening his door, Nick isn’t there. He hasn’t been there for a week now. He sends him a text asking where he was, all he gets back is a thumbs up emoji. At least he knows Nick is alive.

 

 

In the morning Jesperi wakes up to a Snapchat from Rasmus. It is a little pasted ten, and Rasmus looks like crap. He is flipping off the camera. So Jesperi does it back, but he smiles with it.

He looks over at the empty bed and then at the text from Nick. He spent the night at the frat again. Jesperi is able to wake up just enough to drag himself to shower and get ready for the day. He’s thinking about asking Rasmus if he wants to get breakfast at the place on campus that serves breakfast until three on the weekends.

He gets back to his room to find another Snap from Rasmus. He is beaming in the photo saying that Casey asked if he wanted to get breakfast off campus. All he can do is take a picture of the wall and send back a thumbs up emoji. He deletes Snapchat off his phone. He knows he will add it back later, but he just doesn’t want to see Rasmus’ story or anything he sends him.

Jesperi changes out of his jeans and into a pair of running shorts. He shoves on his one pair of sneakers and grabs for his earbuds. Right now he isn’t hungry; he just needs to clear his mind. He just needs to stop thinking about Rasmus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope yall have enjoyed it. Today feels like the first day in forever that I don't have what seems like a million assignments due, so it was nice to just sit down a write/edit for a bit. Kinda want to link the playlist I have for this fic, but it is on my Spotify and I'm not sure if I want that out there. 
> 
> I also thought I had a sold outline before the rest of the fic, but I think I might be changing a few things here and there so the next chapter might take longer than I want it to come out.


	6. Winter Term: Week Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hurt and pain of this chapter is brought to you by Between Cities by Donovan Woods.
> 
> It is a short chapter, but it still hurt as I wrote it.

Brock told Jesperi what happened. He knows what Rasmus told Casey. He knows that Casey isn’t talking to Rasmus. He knows that it is all his fault. He needs to fix it. Even if he is stupid gone on Rasmus, he needs to fix it. Fixing it will help him get over him. So when Rasmus asks if he wants to go hiking after his communications class, he says yes.

It takes him ten minutes to rush back to his dorm, to throw on a pair of joggers, his sneakers, and get out to the car. He already had his raincoat from his walk to class so he at least remembers to grab that. He should be studying for his communications midterm next Monday, but he needs to fix this.

Rasmus smiles when he gets into the car. Brock glares at him in the review mirror because they both know why he is there. Elias is quiet, and Jesperi is sure he knows why he is there. Rasmus is the only one that doesn't know he is there to make sure he and Casey fix things.

The three of his friends talk as Brock drives them out of town and towards the mountains. It is a thirty-minute drive to the place they are going to hike, so Jesperi needs to make this feel less weird than it does. He makes small talk with the guys on his day and listens to theirs.

Brock is talking about something with his future of social media professor when the pull into the parking lot of the trail. The four of them gets out of the car and stretch out from the drive. Brock and Elias talk to each other before starting off.

Like Jesperi expected Brock and Elias have already ditched them to walk farther ahead. Rasmus makes them take the more scenic path down by the creek. Not too many people are hiking the path so it really just feels like them. It doesn’t take long for Rasmus to abandon the path so he can get closer to the creek.

Rasmus runs his hands along the bark of the trees as he moves past them. It’s like he is making a map with his fingertips. He looks up at the trees and signs. He looks at peace. Jesperi can’t help, but grab his phone to take a picture. He will only see this Rasmus once so he might as well treasure it.

Jesperi wishes they lost the path. He doesn’t care how sinister that sounds; he wants to get lost with Rasmus. He wants to stay here for as long as possible. He just wants to get lost. But this hike isn’t for him. It’s for Rasmus and Casey. It’s to fix what he has broken.

Rasmus takes a seat on a rock, and Jesperi knows this is it. He stares up at the trees like he is thinking. Jesperi takes a seat next to him, placing a hand on his knee, Rasmus looks at him. He smiles and Jesperi moves his hand away. “Are you okay?” Jesperi asks.

“I guess.” Rasmus shrugs.

“You can always talk to me.” Jesperi has to act like he is clueless. Brock told him everything while they sat in the engineering building drawing the hallways. He was told how Casey came home screaming, swearing. He was swearing Jesperi’s name and he cursing about him.

Rasmus sighs, “ I messed everything up.”

“Jesperi places a hand on his friend's shoulder, “Whatever it is I know you can fix it.”

“It is Casey. I told him about when I was drunk,” Rasmus starts, “At first he thought it was funny, he was laughing a little. He thought it was funny how I walked in on Elias and Brock because he’s done the same. I told him how I kissed your cheek, and he didn’t like that. Well, I don’t think he did.” Jesperi knows and he fucking hated it. “He hasn’t talked to me.”

Jesperi pats his back a moves his hand away, “You like him right?”

“More than anything.”

“Then tell him. He will want to hear that. Kissing my cheek is not a big deal, and I think he will understand when you tell him. If he doesn’t well then he is stupid, “ Jesperi says, “Ask him out.”

“Are you sure?” Rasmus asks, and all he wants to do is say no. To tell him that Casey isn’t good enough for him. He’s the one that got mad about him kissing his cheek. Jesperi just wants to kiss him, but he can’t. He’s here to fix this.

“I am,” Jesperi says.

“Thanks.” Rasmus wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him in for a side hug. Jesperi lets it happen; he isn’t about to turn it down.

Rasmus pulls away and right then Jesperi feels a drop on his cheek. He looks up, and several more water drops hits. Of course, it starts raining. A few more come down, then more, and then even more. By the time Rasmus and Jesperi find the path it is pouring.

It only takes about twenty minutes for them to get back to the car and by then the rain has mellowed out into a drizzle. Jesperi is cold and exhausted. He just wants to go home. Luckily Elias and Brock are already in the car. He figures they’ve been back for a while by the shocked look on there faces when Rasmus bangs on the window to stop there make out session. Rasmus laughs as he gets into the car.

Jesperi looks over at his friend he is tapping away at his phone. All he can do is look away and out the window. He knows exactly who he is talking to. All he wants to do is cry right now, but he can’t. It is another thirty minutes until they are back on campus. Until Jesperi can get to his room and just have a good cry.

He could have to Brock screw you, that he wasn’t going to fix it. He could have had Rasmus, but he knows Casey makes him happy. Casey was one of Rasmus first friends, and he can’t take that away. Brock told him how Casey cried because he thought Rasmus liked Jesperi more, how Casey asked about their relationship because Rasmus is always talking about him. He never wanted that to happen.

It’s only been four weeks. It shouldn’t hurt this bad, but it does. Jesperi can’t imagine what it must have felt like for Casey. He’s known Rasmus for months now. He understands how he was swearing about him because he would have done the same. They are both human, so he understands.

 

Jesperi didn’t realize that he nodded off on the way back, but he did. Rasmus shakes him awake as they sit in the parking lot behind Rasmus’ dorm. The four of them get out of the car and walk towards the dorm.

If the day couldn’t get any worse or his emotions; Casey sits on a planter in front of the dorm. He looks over at his friend who is grinning at the other man. He looks over at Casey who is grinning back. Jesperi wants to run away.

Jesperi watches the pair hug. He watches how Rasmus lays his had on Casey’s shoulder, into the crock of his neck. He watches Rasmus breath, watches Casey rub his back, whisper things into his ear, watches how Rasmus tightens his grip. He looks away.

“I’m gonna head out,” Jesperi says to Brock and Elias.

They just nod, and he is walking away when he hears Rasmus. “Wait KK meet Casey.”

Jesperi takes a deep breath and walks back. He forces a smile or Casey, “Hi.”

“Hey,” Casey says.

“So this is Jesperi, Case,” Rasmus says.

“I know I’ve seen the Snapchat,” Casey tells him.

“Yeah well, I’m going to head out. I have got to study for a midterm,” Jesperi says.

“Alright, I’ll see you in class.”

“See yah.” Jesperi waves to all of them.

Jesperi doesn’t think he has walked this fast in a long time. He just wants to get back to his room. He just wants to cry.

Opening the door to his room, he looks to see if Nick is there. Thankfully he isn’t. So Jesperi strips off his wet clothes and throws on some shorts and gets into bed. He’s so done.

He shoves his face into his pillow and lets every feeling inside out. He’s been so stupid; he’s known that Rasmus has been gone on Casey since he's known him. He has just been so stupid.

 

 

Jesperi never meant to fall asleep, but did. He wakes up, and the room is still empty. It is already dark, and Jesperi could go back to sleep, but he doesn’t. He makes a hot pocket and opens his laptop up so he can study for his communication midterm. He forces every thought of Rasmus out of his head in favor of the fundamentals of argument as a communication form.

 

He wakes up again when his alarm goes off for classes. Jesperi turns it off and goes back to sleep. He doesn't want to face the work yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know said it might take a while to put out the next chapter yesterday seriously I have been sitting on this chapter for a while and just had to work a few things around. But seriously now the next chapter is going to take a while to come out.


	7. Winter Term: Week Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mistakes I didn't catch. 
> 
> I made a Spotify for my fics so here is the [Link ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7rfE20btBITsGz3XbZkWCG) to the playlist for Lost Among The Trees. There is a lot of inspiration with these songs.

The day is finally over, and Jesperi still feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. It's been a long week, and he is thankful that it is Thursday. He’s been waiting for his communications midterm grade to come out since his instructor said they would be out by either Thursday or Friday. He has also got into groups for his communication project, luckily he is in a group with Victor, so it is one less thing to worry about. 

 

He is walking with Brock so he can study with Rasmus later. It isn't the most ideal plan for the day, but he can't just ignore him. Brock is meeting up with Elias so they can hang out as well. 

 

The idea of hanging out with Rasmus might have taken a run to clear his head the day his friend asked. That was Monday, but Jesperi put it off until Thursday because it took a couple of days of mental preparation. He only agreed as long as they are studying because Jesperi doesn't think he could do just them hanging around watching a movie or something.

 

Jesperi knows he needs to get Rasmus off his mind, but it isn't that easy. It's just so hard. He's been taking walks and running just so he can clear his mind. He saw Rasmus' Snap story of him and Casey. It was a video of Casey kissing his cheek. Jesperi ran about five miles that day. 

 

Brock and Jesperi are walking out of the art building when his friend asks, "So how do you feel about the still life?"

 

"Good," Jesperi tells him honestly. He wasn't having that hard like some of the others in the class were. He had a stuffed duck, a lamp, a glass jar, and a metal box to draw. He didn't finish working on it, but it's fine. 

 

"That's good." 

 

"What about you?"

 

"Struggling, but I will probably come back on Saturday to work on it."

 

"I'll do the same." He rather spend his Saturday in the art building than be stuck in his room with a likely hungover Nick. 

 

It's quiet for a few moments. Jesperi can hear someone on a megaphone screaming about donating to their philanthropy. He hears the guy in front of them on the phone telling whoever that he will pay for the damages as long as they don't press charges. Jesperi wishes he could listen to that longer just Brock finally speaks up, "So you and Rasmus are going to study?"

 

"Yeah, he wanted to hang out, but I need to study."

 

"So you are going to try to study, and he is just going to talk to you."

 

Jesperi can't help, but smile. It's stupid because he really does need to study since he is falling a little behind in calc. "Basically."

 

"You're going to have to wait for him to get out of class."

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

"He has class with Casey."

 

"I know."

 

The is a pause between the two of them for a few steps. Brock takes a deep breath before saying, "I'm doing this because we are friends." He waits like he thinks Jesperi is going to say something, "You do know they are like dating now right."

 

Jesperi feels his jaw tighten, but he takes a deep breath. How couldn't he know that they are together? It's like it is being shoved down his throat at this point. He opts for a nicer response with, "Yeah, I was the one that told him to ask him out."

 

"And you are okay with that?" Brock asks.

 

Jesperi stays quiet for a moment. Neither of them says anything. He could tell Brock everything, but what is that going to change. Rasmus is happy with someone else, and that isn't going to change because he tells Brock about his feeling. "I am." Brock is quiet, "Seriously, I don't care. I am happy for them." Brock raises an eyebrow, "Seriously."

 

"Alright." Brock puts up his hands, and they continue in quiet. 

 

Jesperi can see Elias' and Rasmus' dorm so the walk won't be painful for much longer. He wants to ask about drawing, he wants to ask about Brock and his hobbies, he wants to ask about anything, so it isn't silent anymore. The silence is driving him crazy. He doesn't want it to be quiet. He rather Brock grill him on Rasmus than them be quiet. The quiet is because he fucked up. It is because he fell for a guy that was basically taken. 

 

They get to the building, and Elias is already waiting outside for them. He says his hellos before Brock goes to kiss his boyfriend. Jesperi looks away. Elias takes them into the building. Brock and Elias talk to each other about their days; neither of them says a word to Jesperi. He wants them to scream at him or even to talk about him. He just wants something other than this quiet. 

 

When the three of them get to the room, Jesperi takes a seat at Rasmus desk. He has about thirty minutes until Rasmus gets done with class, so he takes out his laptop. He figures he might as well see what sections he needs to work on for calc along see what he needs to read for ethics. 

 

He looks up to see Brock sitting on Elias' bed with him. He whispering something to his boyfriend. Elias seems to be a little distraught and Brock looks to be comforting him. Brock kisses his temple and pets at his hair. Jepseri looks away. 

 

Jesperi gets a little bit through his article before anyone does something. Brock gets up from the bed; he can hear him tell Elias that he is going to use the restroom. This leaves Jesperi and Elias all alone. 

 

He can't say that he is scared of Elias because he knows that he is harmless. Elias just looks scary. He isn't actually mean even if his jokes are a little intense at times. He means well, but it still doesn't stop him from being mildly terrifying. 

 

It doesn't help when Elias speaks up out of nowhere. "So Rasmus and Casey."

 

"What about them?" Jesperi asks.

 

"They are like dating now."

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

"And you are okay with that." God, he can't believe this. He really doesn't want this again. Even if it is a conversation, he just rather not. 

 

"Can we not, I had this conversation with Brock."

 

"Just want to make sure you understand."

 

"I understand that we are just friends."

 

"Good."

 

"Why are both of you so concerned about Rasmus and me?" Jesperi asks. It shouldn't be this much of a concern. If they thought it was, they should have said something maybe like three weeks ago. 

 

"Because Rasmus well the kid isn't really thinking," Elias says.

 

"I think he's got his thoughts straight." Jesperi is about to continue, but Brock walks in. 

 

"So what are we talking about?" Brock asks.

 

"That me and Rasmus are just friends," Jesperi tells him.

 

"Babe I've already talked to him about this."

 

"And I just want to make it clear," Elias says. 

 

Brock plops himself back on the bed before Jesperi says, "Rasmus and I are just friends. If he liked me, then he needs to figure out what he wants because he can't have both."

 

"I mean, he could." Elias smacks Brock.

 

"Not all of us are into that idea," Jesperi says.

 

"Just had to make sure." Brock laughs to himself but both Jesperi and Elias glare at him. 

 

"So you are okay with him dating Casey?" Brock asks. 

 

"Of course, I am okay with that. Casey made is claim first, and I have to respect that."

 

"So if he didn't, would you try to?" Brock asks.

 

"If I'm being honest, probably." Jesperi sighs.

 

"And you not bothered by this," Brock says. 

 

"I'm bothered by everyone thinking that I'm going to get my heart broken," Jesperi groans. He wants all of this to stop. He wants the quiet.

 

"I don't want to see that happen," Brock says.

 

"It's too late for that," Jesperi says, grabbing his bags, "Tell Rasmus that I didn't feel good so I left. Tell him I'm sorry."

 

There is a knock at the door before it opens. Rasmus looks between the three of them and then down at Jesperi's bags in his hands. "Are we still studying?" Rasmus asks.

 

"Sorry, I don't feel well anymore," Jesperi tells him.

 

"Oh, okay." Rasmus looks confused.

 

"I'll talk to you later."

 

"Okay." Jesperi doesn't look at him. He can only hear him say, "I'll text you." from down the all. 

 

Jesperi storms out. He puts his earbuds in and turns up his music, so he doesn't have to hear the outside world. He walks back to his dorm and throws everything to the ground before getting into bed. He wants to scream, but the last time he did that Evan from down the hall asked if he was okay. He wants all of this to a be a dream. For it to be a nightmare and when he wakes up, he is back to the first week of the term. Back to when he wasn't friends with a skinny, quiet guy from Sweden. When he didn't fall for said guy and just had a normal term. 

 

He mind is racing, so he gets out of bed, he slips on his shoes and grabs for his backpack. Opening his phone, he sends the Finn group chat _If anyone wants to study, I'll be in the library._ He can't be alone with his own thoughts. He can't be alone with the quiet. 

 

_Already there. In the basement._ \- Mikko

 

_On my way_ \- Jesperi 

 

He takes off. Mikko is a different face, one that won't piss him off in ten seconds. The library is only a ten-minute walk from his dorm, so it doesn't take on for him to get there. It probably takes him just as long for him to find Mikko. The basement is a large place with a lot of nocks for people to hide in. 

 

Mikko was in a nock. Jesperi drops his stuff on the table getting Mikko to jump." Warn a guy next time." His friend smiles up at him. He looks slightly annoyed, but the smile shows there is no heat behind it. 

 

"Totally won't." 

 

"Sit down and shut up." Jesperi lets their native language comfort him. It's his closest thing to home among all this hell. 

 

Jesperi does as he says. They work on their assignments in quiet. It's different from the quiet he was trying to avoid. He is focused on homework, so his mind isn't quiet, his surrounds only are. Mikko seems to be working on some business media thing; something that Jesperi doesn't understand. 

 

Every so often, Mikko will say something or just groan because he doesn't understand something. Jesperi wants to pound his head in because he feels stupid not getting the concept for calc right away. It takes him a few practice problems, but after that, he is fine. He speeds through his calc homework in an hour. So he finishes the article for ethics.

 

He finishes reading and does his write up. It's still early, so he knows he could start working on his next paper for writing. He has all the research he just needs to start writing it. He doesn't necessarily want to start, but he knows he should. It's due next Wednesday even though it is only five pages he knows he needs to start. 

 

He opens up his research doc to only close it right away. It's a link that he meant to share with Rasmus. It's a link on the rise of hockey in California, Arizona, Texas, and Florida among minorities. He went out of his way to look for articles for Rasmus and what good is it now. Jesperi doesn't even want to look at his friend. He wants nothing to do with him or Casey at this point. But he also wants everything to with Rasmus. 

 

He wants all of this to be over. He wants it to be the next term, so he doesn't have to see Rasmus three days of the week. He also wants to see him every day. He shouldn't, he shouldn't want any of it, but he wants all of it. He wants all of Rasmus even though he knows he would get nothing. 

 

Jesperi is hit with something. Mikko is laughing at him; it's a pen. Mikko threw a pen at him. "Can I get that back," his friend asks.

 

"No." Jesperi stares at him.

 

"Oh come on, if you are going to be moody go to another floor," Mikko says. 

 

"Thanks." Jesperi rolls his eyes. 

 

"Sorry." Mikko rubs at the back of his neck, "What's up?"

 

"It's nothing."

 

"It has to be something."

 

Jesperi bangs his forehead against the table. Mikko places a hand under his head to push him up. Mikko glares looking a little concerned and frankly confused. "Everything is just so fucked right now."

 

"Why?"

 

"Rasmus and Casey."

 

"Oh," Mikko says.  Jesperi kind wants to die. He really doesn't want to have this conversation with Mikko, but he knows Mikko is probably the best to have it with.

 

"Yeah." Jesperi takes a deep breath before speaking again. "Rasmus' roommate Elias and his boyfriend Brock who is in my art class, asked me if I'm okay with Rasmus dating Casey."

 

"Are you?"

 

"I have to be right." He can't look at his friend. He doesn't want to see his face. 

 

Mikko takes a moment before saying, "You don't." This gets Jesperi to look up. 

 

"Really?" He questions. 

 

Mikko grabs his hands and squeezes. He smiles softly, then lets it go. "Yeah. You don't have to be okay with it."

 

"They were trying to stop me from getting my heart broken." Jesperi explains, "It's too late for that. I knew that he was so in Casey and I tried to ignore that, but I was so stupid to try. He so into Casey that it isn't fair."

 

"I'm sorry." Mikko genuinely looks sorry which makes it worse. He looks like he feels bad for him and Jesperi can't take it. "I know it must hurt."

 

"More than anything." 

 

"Just distance yourself from him for a little bit. I'm not saying to ignore him, just maybe hang out with others around. Maybe don't hang out with him all the time. Just give yourself time to figure everything out. Find a new guy." Mikko suggests.

 

"Easier said than done." Jesperi shrugs. 

 

"There's got to be a guy out there."

 

"Sure."

 

"Just keep your head up and heart open. The worst thing you could do right now is shut yourself off to the idea of love." Jesperi just stares at his friend, "Your still young and getting your heartbroken is just one of the many parts of being young."

 

"Maybe Sebastian is wrong about you being stupid." Jesperi smiles. 

 

"If he listened to me, he wouldn't be single anymore." Jesperi has to do a double take. He lets his mouth hang open, and Mikko just laughs before saying. "And neither would Teuvo."

 

Those two are seriously fucking stupid then. Jesperi has gotten the Snaps from Sebastian of them cuddling and even from Mikko of the two of them just being gross and in love. "Shit."

 

"You don't even know." Mikko just laughs before going quiet for a beat or two, "But seriously it will be okay. You will be okay. Just take time for you." 

 

"Thanks."

 

"With that, I am going to leave you." Mikko says, "I've got two morons to eat dinner with while they eye fuck each other." And that is something that Jesperi didn't need to hear or now imagine. 

 

"Thanks for that," Jesperi says.

 

"Just think about what I say, alright."

 

"Alright." Jesperi nods and Mikko finishes packing up, "See you later.

 

"See yah."

 

Just like that, Mikko is gone, and Jesperi is left to work on his research paper. 

  
  


After a while, Jesperi realizes he is a little hungry but doesn't feel like leaving, so he eats two granola bars. They're from the times he has passed through the quad, and the church people are hanging them out, so you go to their group on Thursdays. Jesperi always takes a granola bar, but always throws away the little informational card on the back. The one thing that sucks about them that they have been in his backpack so long they are all crushed, but it's just a minor inconvenience. 

 

He pushes through, and it somehow is closing in on midnight. He only realized that when the voice of a woman bursts through the speakers saying that the library is closed for the general public, but you have a school ID you just need to show it to security. Although he does have to leave the basement because that gets closed at midnight. Jesperi has only ever been at the library past midnight a few times, but this time he thinks he is going to stay. 

 

Jesperi has no desire to go back to his room. The library lets him ignore his thoughts. He can watch videos without feeling bad because he tells himself he is taking a break. One good thing about stay in the library this long is that he has finished most of his paper. He only has about a page to go, so that is great. 

 

It's eleven fifty-five when he gets kicked out of the basement. He heads to the first floor where a security guard checks his ID and tells him he can stay. Jesperi heads towards the first floor sitting area when his heart stops. Rasmus. 

 

Rasmus is sitting with Casey. He has his head on Casey's shoulder as he looks at his laptop. He is smiling, laughing even. Casey is looking at him, smiling. He stops and stares at them. Rasmus looks up; he looks at Jesperi. His mouth is a little agape, and he is just staring. Jesperi rushes off before Rasmus can even do anything. 

 

It's raining when Jesperi gets outside. He doesn't want to go back to the room. He has no desire. Right now he doesn't want the quiet, so he walks. He doesn't know where he is going to go. He just walks.

 

 

Walking takes him to the 24 hours diner all the way down ninth street. He really shouldn't have walked it, but he just let his feet take him. The only time he's ever been to the diner was when his peer mentor and his peer 'family' had a 'family' dinner before his mentor graduated. He only got French fries then, but right now he is actually kind of hungry. 

 

Entering the diner, he shakes off his raincoat. His shoes are soaked, and he is hoping his laptop has survived. He's happy he bought the case for it when he did. He looks around, and there are only maybe a dozen people between the employees and the costumes. There is a table of four guys that seem to be drunk, one older man alone at a both, a couple at another booth; then the rest are working. 

 

Jesperi is seated at a booth by a lady that doesn't seem like she wants to be working, but he can't blame her. It is midnight on a weekday, who really wants to be working this late. He looks through the menu, trying to figure out what he wants. He is flipping between a burger with French or eggs, bacon, and toast. He doesn't really know what he wants. 

 

He is pulled out of his thoughts about his meal when someone places a glass of water in front of him. He looks up to find a surprisingly familiar face. Jesperi thinks his name is Quinn; he is pretty sure of that. They would partner up during group work in philosophy last term. He was a nice guy, also oldy cute, but Jesperi left that to himself. 

 

"Hey," he says, "can I get you anything other than water?" Jesperi thinks for a moment, "Coffee, soda, orange juice."

 

"No water is fine, thank you." 

 

"Jesperi right?"

 

"Yeah, Quinn."

 

"Yep." he gives a soft smile, "Don't take this the wrong way but what the fuck are you doing here this late. I get what frat bros over there are here for, but you."

 

Jesperi can't help, but chuckle before saying, "Just needed a walk." 

 

"Don't you live in the dorms?"

 

"Yeah. I was in the library, but needed to clear my head and get something to eat."

 

"You do look a little worse for wear," Quinn teases.

 

"Thanks." Jesperi smiles, and so does Quinn.

 

"So what can I get yah or do you need a moment."

 

"Question. What is better, a burger and fries or the simple breakfast plate."

 

"You want my real opinion." Jesperi nods, "Neither. Meat skillet with a fried egg and wheat toast is better, and it's also cheaper than both of those."

 

"Alright get me that then."

 

"Sure thing." Quinn smiles then winks. Jesperi is glad that he walked away because the heat rising in his cheeks don't seem like a good thing. 

 

Jesperi pulls his phone from his pocket. He hasn't looked at it since he texted the group about the library. He has a couple of Snaps from Brock and Rasmus. He has a few missed texts from Rasmus. He even has two missed calls, one from a little after he left his dorm room and another from fifteen minutes ago. He has a voicemail from the most recent call. He listens. 

 

" _Hey, Jesperi_." He is quiet. Rasmus is quiet for a moment, but there is a soft voice next to him. He can't make it out, but he knows it belongs to Casey. It makes his stomach turn. " _I don't know what I did or what happened, but I want to tell you I'm... sorry. I'm sorry_." His voice sounds shaky, " _Is this my fault? Whatever I did, I'm sorry_." The voicemail is over. 

  
  


Jesperi listens to it twice more before turning off his phone. The voicemail makes him feel sick. He wants to scream. He wants to cry. Most of all, he wants to tell Rasmus that nothing has ever been his fault. He wants to tell him that he is sorry. 

 

Quinn comes back after a while of Jesperi just staring at the milkshake list even though he knows he won't get one. He takes a seat getting Jesperi to tilt his head a little, so Quinn says, "Literally my shift manager doesn't care. She spends most of her time taking smoke breaks." Jesperi just nods, "Saw you staring at the milkshake list. If you're going to get one, please make it a normal one. I hate making the pie milkshakes."

 

"Just needed something to read. Can't be bothered to look at my phone," Jesperi says. 

 

"Why?"

 

"Just need to ignore someone for a few days." 

 

"Girlfriend?" Quinn tilts his head with this little smirk.

 

"No, no. Just a friend. I kinda have a thing for him, but… he... Um."

 

"Isn't into dudes."

 

"Quit the opposite. He now has a boyfriend after I convinced him to make up with the guy."

 

"That's shitty," Quinn swears loud enough to get the attention of the table of frat bros. "Seriously dude that sucks."

 

"It really does. I was supposed to hang out with him today, but his roommate and roommates boyfriend talked to me about the whole thing. It pissed me off, so I left, but my friend came back to his room when I was leaving so I had to tell him I wasn't feeling good. I needed to clear my head, so I went to study with another friend, and on my way out of the library I saw him in the library with his boyfriend, and he saw me." Jesperi pauses for a moment. He looks at Quinn, who seems a little surprised by this all. "I left and came here. He left me a voicemail saying he was sorry for whatever he did. It's not his fault. How do I let him know this isn't his fault?"

 

"Fuuuck." Quinn looks really shocked now, "Dude, that's rough."

 

"Sorry for spilling all of that one you."

 

"No, I get it. You needed it." Jesperi just nods and Quinn smiles.

 

"Now you get why I'm here at midnight."

 

"Oh yeah, I get it." Quinn nods, "Maybe it is a good idea that you don't talk to him. It's probably for the best." 

 

"That's what I have been told."

 

"If you really want him to know it isn't his fault just tell him that."

 

"I don't know if I can face him right now." 

 

"You don't have to."

 

"He's in my Monday, Wednesday, Friday writing class."

 

Quinn simply says, "You're fucked."

 

"I know." Jesperi covers his face with his hands. 

 

Quinn moves them away, "Dude, you will be fine. I know you will."

 

"I hope so."

 

"You will be fine."

 

"Thanks."

 

The is yelling, and a bell is rung getting Quinn to groan. "It's your food." He gets up and walks over to grab his food. When he set it down, it smells good. Jepseri realizes how hungry he actually is. "I'll be back."

 

Quinn takes his rounds of the place while Jesperi eats. The table of frat boys pay and leave. The older man gets another cup of coffee and a slice of pie. Quinn has to clean off the frat boys table before coming back over. He's halfway through his meal.

 

"Seems like you like it." Quinn smiles.

 

"Yeah, I haven't eaten in a while."

 

"I can tell." Quinn lets out a little laugh, and Jesperi can't help but smile back. Quinn is kinda cute in his own right. He remembers when he would come into philosophy in a backward hat and god damn it if Jesperi doesn't have a favorite look on guys. Right now Quinn's hair falls a little into his face, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. "If you want I could get my kinda boyfriend to hook you up with one of his frat bros. He has been moping about not finding anyone."

 

Jesperi takes a moment. It doesn't sound that bad, but also doesn't sound great. Frat boys aren't really his thing. Well if they are anything like Nick. "No, I need to get over this guy first."

 

"Alright." Quinn pulls out his phone and opens it. "Take my Snap just in case you change your mind." 

 

Jesperi nods taking out his phone and turning it on. "I'll think about it."

 

It takes a moment for his phone to turn on and open up Snapchat. He adds Quinn. "He's Swedish I'm not sure if you would be into that."

 

Not another Swed. Not right now at least. He needs a nice American boy. Someone like Quinn, but of course he is taken. Jesperi just shrugs though, he doesn't really want to tell him that the last guy was Swedish. "So what classes are you taking?"

 

Quinn goes off on complaining about his geography class. He hates it even though it is really easy. He talks about how hard it is to get out of bed and go, but he needs the participation points. Jesperi feels it. 

 

He finishes his meal, by the time Quinn has to get up again. He tells him just to get him the bill because he really needs to head back. 

 

Jesperi knows he should get an Uber, but right now he still rather walk. It still raining and it can be anymore above freezing, but it is still something he needs. He needs to be exhausted, so he doesn't think of Rasmus.

 

Quinn comes back with his bill, which is only eight bucks; he is thankful for the no sales tax. He pulls it his wallet; fuck it he has fifteen dollars cash, so he gives it all the Quinn. Jesperi says his goodbyes and heads out. 

 

The wind slaps his face with water drops. He stops to grab the scarf out of his backpack and wraps it around his neck. Tugging his beanie to cover his ears, he tries to fight the cold. The walk is only thirty, forty minutes at the most, but it feels like it is going to take forever. 

 

He opens his phone and opens the Uber app to see if there are any cars out. Shocking there is nothing at one am. He figures he put himself here so he might as well get him out of it. 

 

He wipes the water droplets off his phone screen and opens Snapchat. He opens the ones from Brock; they are all saying sorry and to not ignore Rasmus. Apparently, Rasmus was really sad. Well, he should join the fucking club at this point. 

 

Jesperi takes a picture of the street light above him and places the time sticker on it. He posts it to his story. He knows he shouldn't. There are a lot of things he shouldn't do but still does. Maybe like still being so far gone on Rasmus when he shouldn't be.

 

  
  
  


After twenty-five minutes of hating his life and fast walking, Jesperi finally gets back to his room. Nick is knocked out, considering that it is closer to two am now. He hurries to get into bed so he can get warm. He's freezing and exhausted.

 

  
  


Jesperi being tired didn't help him fall asleep. The last time he saw on the microwave was closing in on four am. So when his alarm goes off at eight am he can't be bothered to get up. He hurries up to send Juuse an email saying that he is ill and won't be able to make it to class. Then goes back to sleep.

 

  
  


When he wakes up for the second time around noon he has an email from Juuse telling him, it is alright and to feel better. He also has a text from Rasmus saying he is sorry. Jesperi lets himself go back to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought I wouldn't be able to post this chapter until after my term was over, but I really wanted to get this chapter out. The next chapter also has an unknown post date because it is week ten next week and then finals week the week after. So my next two weeks are going to be full of studying and packing. 
> 
> Sorry for continuously making Jesperi sad, but things will be looking up, well kinda. I was bouncing around three different ideas of how I was going to end this, but now I have a definite ending that I'm happy with.


	8. Winter Term: Week Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha long time no update. 
> 
> There is a playlist for this fic. It's on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7rfE20btBITsGz3XbZkWCG). There is a lot of inspiration in this playlist for this fic. I hope yall check it out and enjoy. 
> 
> I know the editing is shit.

The snow doesn’t stop Jesperi from going out. He’s been itching for a walk since Nick’s girlfriend came over. It’s nothing against her, but he just can’t listen to another episode of Brooklyn 99. They’ve been binging it for going on three hours now. It woke up Jesperi. Well first his alarm did, then the campus alert saying that classes have been canceled until noon let him fall back asleep till eleven. His drawing instructor canceled class again since he would be able to make it into town. 

 

It’s been like this for the whole week now. It started Sunday night when a light dusting came. Honestly, he didn’t think it would stick from all the rain they get, but when he woke up Monday morning to the dining hall’s rooftop was covered. He knew it wasn’t just a light dusking anymore. Classes were canceled till noon since most of the snow melted by midday, so he was to go to communications and yoga. 

 

Tuesday came with another light snow, but his ethics professor and art instructor couldn’t get to campus, so he only had art history. The morning snow was expected on Wednesday so classes were out until noon, even though it was only some more light snow his comm instructor canceled since others couldn’t get to campus. Seriously campus can’t function with even the slightest bit of snow. 

 

Then came the snow Wednesday evening. Jesperi was pissed, he took a nap and then tried to go to the dining hall, but it was closed because people needed to get home. Now classes have been canceled all day since the flurries have been on and off. So he’s only gone to three classes this week. 

 

Although that doesn’t stop the homework, he’s finished his ethics article review, done his quiz for art history, and even finished his linear perspective drawing. He hasn’t bothered with his communication reading since it’s not due until Sunday and probably won’t start until that afternoon. So a walk is what he needs. 

 

He tugs on his rain boots in hopes that we won’t eat shit on the ice. He layers a long sleeve, a sweatshirt, and his raincoat. He grabs his beanie, covering his ears his give himself a once over in the mirror hanging on the door. Nick and his girlfriend pay no attention to him when he says he's heading out for a walk; they are glues to the laptop screen. 

 

Getting outside the wind slaps him in the face, but luckily the snow has momentarily stopped. The campus is dead for the most part, mostly only people on their way to the dining hall or the gym. It’s good for him since no one is on the road, so no one honks at him as he crosses the street. 

 

Jesperi takes his usual running route towards the park just outside of the campus. He passes the street of apartments and comes to the intersection that is usually busy, but with the snow leaves it bare. When he talked to Victor on Monday, he wasn’t lying when he said that snow shuts down the town. There are only a few cars out, along with a salt truck and a snowplow. It seems a little overkill of the little bit of snow, but if they aren’t used to it, then it makes sense. 

 

When the little man turns green, he crosses the street. He stops to take a picture of the trees that line the bridge that covers the river. It looks like a tunnel by the way the branches hang down. The snow clings to the branches, and there are a few shoe tracks in the snow. He wishes he could get the flowing river in it, but the trees block the view. 

 

He stops again to look at the river as it rushes under the bridge. He can see a few people down by the bank, but none seems like they are in his usual spot. The pinging of a bike bell gets him to move out the way then down the path leading to the park. 

 

The park is blanketed in snow. He wishes he could have got to it before the mass of children now playing did. The pictures would have been a beauty. Clean sheets of snowing blanketing the usually green park in white with trees surrounding it. A sigh he wishes he wasn’t too stubborn to wake up and see. 

 

Now families play in it. Dozens of snowmen are scattered through the field. He usually doesn’t walk around the park, instead opting to take the little path leading down to the river bank to run. It’s something about the rushing water while he runs makes every run seem worth it. He only found the path about two weeks ago, but the past weeks have required a run. It’s the only thing that has been able to clear his mind. 

 

He walks around the park for a little bit until the screaming children become too much for him. Jesperi heads toward the back of the park were the path he takes leads down the bank. The path can be sketchy at times; it isn’t a clear way down the river but rather just one made by people who’ve tried to find a way down before him. It’s rocky, and a tad bit narrow, but the view of the river is worth it. 

 

Jesperi is trying his best not to slip. He’s done it before after it rained and the muddly trail just took him sliding down. It’s now icy, so his odds don’t look to be in his favor. He’s slowly making his descent looking at the down as he walks. 

 

It doesn’t matter how hard he tries; he still ends up hitting a patch of ice, causing him to slide down. He manages to catch himself before making it to the bottom. He’s muddy, his pants are wet, and now his ass hurts. He should have just stayed in his room, in the warm air listening to the others laugh at the screen. 

 

He scans the bank hoping no one saw his mishap and well the guy standing a bit away turns around when they lock eyes. Damn it. He really hopes no one saw and wishes he would be alone as he took his walk. Getting up, he brushes off his jeans and does his best to walk away as if nothing happened. 

 

Walking towards the river, he takes a seat on a rock. Little drops of water splash up at his face, it’s like ice. He doesn’t move, though; this is his rock. It’s where he sits to catch his breath, to hold back the tears, to wish that he wasn’t running basically every day because Rasmus is dating Casey. The wind wipes, he shivers. 

 

The sound of crunching gets him to look behind him. It’s the guy who saw him fall. He’s walking around with a stick in the snow. He’s staring at the ground as he walks in a circle. He moves the twig a little bit before moving back to see what he’s doing. He looks up, around then back at the ground going back to moving the stick. He looks like he’s drawing something. 

 

Jesperi turns away, the little voice in the back of head yelling at him not to stare. It’s his mother’s telling him not to because it isn’t polite. Looking back at the river, he stares at the rushing water. He wonders what would happen if he just jumped in. Wonder if anyone would even try to save him, hell if the guy behind him would even bat an eye at him. 

 

He knows people fall into the river plenty of time. He’s seen the search and rescue boats speed down the street when he’s been downtown doing some shopping. He’s never gone to look though; it’s not polite. 

 

Taking out his phone he snaps a few photos of the river. He takes on for Snapchat, captioning it ‘ _ The only place I want to be.’  _ Posting it, he looks at others’ stories. He’s clicking through when he comes to Rasmus; he’s with Casey. It doesn't look like his dorm, but he’s in a room. Casey’s room. It’s captioned, ‘ _ Snow buddies.’  _ There a heart emoji next to it. He clicks his phone off, sliding it back into his pocket. 

 

He doesn't need to know that Rasmus is laying in bed with Casey. He doesn’t need that image in his head. He doesn't need to know that he is happy with him. He just doesn’t. 

 

It’s not like he even had a shot with the guy. He knew in the beginning that Casey was what Rasmus wanted. He knew for the second week of classes. Rasmus has wanted Casey since they met and he just needs to get that through his stupid fucking head. 

 

He needs to move on. Mikko said he shouldn’t shut himself out, but that is what he wants to do. He doesn’t want to talk to Rasmus anymore; he’s only responded to a hand full of snaps and a few texts messages. He knows it it isn’t fair to Rasmus, to just cut him out. He’s not the one with the stupid crush, he just the awkward Swedish guy that he fell for fully knowing that he liked someone else. 

 

It’s not even like Rasmus is even that special. Maybe he lanky with an acne ridden face that has blond hair that falls in front of it because he hasn’t got a hair cut in a few months, that is silky even if he does use two in one shampoo with these blue-grey eyes that he’s gotten lost in while talking, but he’s not that special. He may be wicked smart when it comes to trees, that he can be talking about the trees on campus one minutes then hours later he is talking about bar beetle infestations in California trees and how root rot can ruin lives. He may be shy and awkward when it comes to the barista at the coffee shop on campus that he’s had to have Jesperi tell her that he wants a pump of vanilla, not caramel. But he’s just not that special. 

 

It’s just he’s one of the first guys that he’s fallen for that quick. Just one of the first guys that he knows for sure is gay. Just one of the first guys that he’s been himself in front of. Just one of the first guys that he wasn’t afraid would go around telling the whole school that he had a crush on him so no one would talk to him.

 

He needs to get into his head that Rasmus isn’t into him. He never has and never will. He needs to move on even if it has just been six weeks. It hasn’t been that long, he shouldn’t have let himself fall like this, but he did. It’s only another four full weeks of classes left and then finals, and then it’s over. He doesn't have to see Rasmus again, he can forget about him. It could be like he never happens. But that’s not fair to Rasmus, is it?

 

The snapping of a twig makes him flinch. He turns, it the guy behind him. He’s leaving. Watching him walk up the path back into the park, Jesperi waits until he’s out of sight, so he goes over to see what he was doing. It takes him a moment to realizes that the mess of the lines in the snow is the river and trees. The edges are rough and dirty, but everything about it is oddly beautiful. The stranger had created something beautiful in a usually quite muddy, ugly mess of a riverbank. 

 

He takes the picture as the sound of crunching snow comes up behind him. It spooks him, causing him to drop his phone when he turns to see. It’s the guy from before. He looks shocked but picks up Jesperi’s phone anyways. 

 

The man hands it over with a crooked smile. “Thanks,” Jesperi says. The man doesn’t say anything to him; he just smiles slightly. It’s a little awkward as the guy peaks behind the strands of dirty blond hair that falls in front of his face as he looks between Jesperi and the ground. “Oh, it’s beautiful. I hope you don’t mind I took a photo.”

 

The stranger looks up at him and just leaves him with the same little smile as before. He turns around and walks away, saying nothing or well at least not to him. Jesperi can hear him mumbling something under his breath that he can’t make out. Right now he just wants to run up and ask him what his name is or even ask how long it took him to do that, but if he doesn’t think he would even get it out of him. 

 

He couldn’t have been much older than himself or at least Jesperi assumes so. The guy just seemed a little odd, but in a good way. If he's honest that the vibe he gets from most everyone in town, whether they are a local or just a student. It doesn’t matter the whole town just gives off the odd vibes. 

 

Jesperi figures he should head back as well. The sky is starting to look a little mean after the bout of sun. He snaps a few more photos of the drawing and the river. It’s truly a beautiful sight. 

 

He scrolls through his phone as he walks up the path trying his best to multi-task. He looks at the pictures; he really likes the drawing, so he sets it as his lock screen. It was a picture of a field wildflowers that he took on a hike with his mentor family during his first week of the fall term. Looking at it, it just feels right. 

 

After looking at the river pictures, he wants to paint. The student store should be open, so he heads there. It’s been a while since he’s painted and doesn’t have the supplies he needs. He rather head to a craft store since it would be cheaper, but he rather not walk four miles in the snow or wait for the bus. 

 

He needs something to do while stuck in the dorm. Watching TV with Nick and his girlfriend just doesn’t feel like the move. Sitting in the basement with a picture of the river and paints sound much better to him. At least he won’t be thinking about anything other than the painting for a few hours. He needs to at least do that for himself. He just needs not to think. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know it's been a hot minute since I've updated for this, but I hadn't been feeling this story. I wasn't happy where I was taking it and how I was writing, but I hope that's changed. 
> 
> I've been giving updates on Tumblr so if you want to know about my writing or even just to talk to me follow me there. @mari999-ao3


	9. Winter Term: Week Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7rfE20btBITsGz3XbZkWCG) playlist that you can lsten to for this fic. I'm continuously adding to it. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own and sorry for the ones I didn't catch.

When Miro asked if he wanted to go to a party, he honestly thought it was going to be like the one at three Finn's apartment. Nope, he's so wrong. It's like the ones he seen in movies. He figures he should've known it was going to be bad when they ask who they knew at the door. They were only let in after Miro tells them he's teammates with the guy throwing the party. 

 

Anyways the only reason Miro even asked was because Mikko has got a big mouth and told the Finns about his failed love life. They've all taken pity on him. Even over the past week, Miro has partnered up with him during writing while Eeli has taken Rasmus. It's probably for the best that Eeli has been with Rasmus since the other boy isn't known to be patient.

 

The apartment is packed, and the bass is bouncing off the walls. There's cardboard on the windows, so maybe that’s why he didn’t hear the music outside. The lights dance between colors as they change to the beat. Bodies all around him, pushing and grinding on each other. It’s nothing he’s ever seen before. He’s not sure about it anymore. 

 

Well, that’s until he’s being dragged upstairs by Miro. They are lead to a room, he opens the door, and a group of guys is greeting them. They must be Miro’s teammates. They come around shaking his hand; he can’t even hear their names by the pounding music. 

 

Miro says something in one of the guy's ears, and his teammate turns away to only return with a can of something. It’s a tall boy; he hands it over to Jesperi. Reading it, Four Loko peach. He’s never had that. The rest of the guys get cans of beer. He can’t understand why he is the special one.

 

Opening it up, he takes a sip, and oh no, it’s sweet. “What is this?” He asks Mikko.

 

“Don’t worry, just drink it.” Mikko is smiling at him. It can’t be a good sign. It can’t be good that the alcohol is so easy to sip on. 

 

They hang around the room while Miro talks to his teammates. They are laughing, and he’s trying to pay attention to the conversation, but he can’t. He pulls out his phone. He has a new match. 

 

It was Victor’s idea for him to get Tinder. They were talking while working on their argumentive project. Their groupmate hadn’t shown up for their study section. They needed to gather information on the pros of artificial intelligence and how it affects day to day life. It got boring around hour two, so they just started to talk. One thing leads to another; they are talking about Jesperi dating. 

 

So he downloaded Tinder and Victor went to town on his pictures and bio. It was a few selfies that he took on Snapchat, and he thought looked good. Jesperi is glad he saved them. Victor set his bio as ‘ _6’3 majoring in architectural engineering with a double in studio art. An international student that is trying to live the American college life._ ’ He said that if he put he's an international student guys would be more likely to start the conversation because they are curious where is he’s from. He’s not going to tell Victor, but he’s right, but he’s matched with ten guys so far, and five of them have opened with asking where he’s from. 

 

Although no one has stuck around because he’s not looking just to hook up, only one guy, Ryan, has stuck around. They've been talking on and off for a few days now. They've been trying to meet up for lunch, but neither of them has been able to.

 

He looks at his newest match, Joe. There is no message from him, and right now, Jesperi doesn’t even want to try to talk to him. He looks at his pictures again; right, he’s another blond. Maybe he does have a type. 

 

The door opens, he looks up to find Nick. His roommate stares at his; he shakes his head a little before saying, “Didn’t know you would be here.”

 

“Miro told me last minute,” Jesperi says. He watches Nick stumble over to his teammates. They hand him another beer out of the ice chest they have in the corner. 

 

Nick turns back to him, “I’m glad your here and not sitting in your bed studying.”

 

“Thanks.” Jesperi rolls his eyes.

 

“No problem, dude.” He pats Jesperi on the shoulder, clearly not getting the sarcasm, “You want me to find you a girl?”

 

“No, I’m good,” Jesperi says.

 

“You sure?” Nick raises an eyebrow as he cracks open his beer. 

 

“Very.” 

 

Nick shrugs then chugs some of his beer. He heads towards the door, “See ya.”

 

Jesperi just lifts his hand as he leaves the room. Mikko stares at him shaking his head. He takes a sip of his beer before saying, “So he doesn't know.”

 

“Nope.” Jesperi shakes his head. He takes a long drink of the Four Loko. A shiver runs through his body, “Just hasn’t come up.”

 

“I can’t believe you.” Mikko shakes his head again. He half expects him to continue, but no Mikko just turns back to the conversation. Jesperi continues to drink as the room talks amongst each other. 

 

Halfway through his can most of the guys start to head downstairs, so he follows after. They shove their way towards the middle of the living room. Most of the guys try to find girls to dance on while Jesperi and his friends stick together. 

 

The room is hot, and his body is starting to feel sticky. People push into him; most of them say sorry. They dance to the sounds of maybe Kanye, Jesperi isn’t really a rap guy. He’s more of an EDM guy, but according to Victor, most American parties are rap music and shitty Soundcloud mixes. 

 

The first guy to leave the group is Miro. He spots a small blond that he swears is in his chem class. She seems about it when Miro gets behind her to dance with her. Mikko laughs and shakes his head. He mumbles something about Miro, but he doesn’t catch it. The music is too loud. 

 

Jesperi continues to drink. He tries his best to sway to the music. He can’t though; he’s not much of a dancer. Eeli seems to be affected by the alcohol by the way he is moving. Jesperi is sure that Eeli had already been drinking before they picked him up to head over. Mikko well Mikko leaves to stand in the kitchen with a few people. He’s chatting with them. 

 

It was just Eeli and him until it wasn’t. Eeli found a girl to dance with. She pulls his hand towards her group of friends, leaving him all along. So naturally, Jesperi moves to the wall. He leans against it drinking. 

 

After a song or two, he catches eyes with a guy. He’s blond and smiling at him. The guy nods to him before turning to his friends. After another song, Jesperi catches his eyes again, so he chugs the rest of his Four Loko. He crushes the can and drops it on the table next to the couch he’s standing next to. 

 

The blond talks to his friends once again before they make through the crowd; they’re head right to him. The blond smiles at him as he holds the hand of one of the girls he’s with, and the other holds a bottle of vodka or at least he thinks it is. 

 

“You here alone?” The blond asks.

 

“Nah, two of my friends found girls and my other buddy is in the kitchen,” Jesperi says. 

 

“I see.” The blond smiles, “I’m Cody.”

 

“Jesperi.” he smiles back.

 

“Cute,” the blond lets go of the girl's hand. “This is Miranda.” He points at the girl who he was just holding hands with, “That’s Jessica.” he points at the other one. 

 

“Hello.” Jesperi smiles.

 

“Hi,” they say in unison.

 

He nods over to Miranda, who then takes Jessica’s hand and they push back through the crowd. “You want a drink?” Cody holds up the bottle. It's mostly gone, but still enough to have some fun.

 

“Sure.” Cody hands the bottle to him. He takes a swig, and it burns. Oh, it burns so bad, but he takes another swig anyways then another. He can’t be sober for this. Handing his back over, Cody says, “You a student here.”

 

“Yeah. You?”

 

“Nah. I go to school up north. Came down for Jessica’s birthday.” Cody leans in a little closer. He can’t be much shorter than Jesperi, maybe an inch or two, so it’s easy to see the blond look between his eyes and his lip. “Just had to make sure. You look like you could be in high school.”

 

“I get that, but nah, just a freshman.”

 

“Where are you from? Your accent is cute.”

 

Jesperi can’t tell if it’s the complement or the alcohol that makes him warm. “Finland.”

 

“Cute.” Cody smiles, “Dance with me?”

 

Jesperi just nods getting Cody to turn around. The blond grinds into him. This is new; he’s never done this, so he lets his body take over. He sways as Cody pushes back on his. Jesperi wraps an arm around his waist, making Cody lean back. 

 

The blond offers him the bottle again. He takes it; he’s still too sober. He takes a few swigs, and it’s starting to go down easy, like water. So he takes a few more. Cody grabs for it and takes a few swigs himself before turning around. He wraps his arms around Jesperi neck and slots a leg between his. They dance like this, taking turns sharing the bottle of vodka. 

 

A few more pulls later; he’s kissing the blond. It’s new to him. It’s not like it’s his first kiss, but his first since he’s left home. Cody’s mouth tastes like vodka, and his lips taste like cherries. He wishes he put on some chapstick. 

 

Cody’s lips are soft against his. They sway together as they kiss. Jesperi knows it’s the liquor in him. He’s typically not one for things like this. Being out like this is different. He would never do this back home, but right now he’s going to let it happen. 

 

He's leaning against the wall kissing the blond. Cody brakes away, “You want to get out of here.” He’s okay with kissing this guy and dancing with him, but leaving with him is a different story. He doesn’t want to lose his virginity to some random guy that doesn’t even go to school here. Cody must catch his vibe because he continues, “I get it if you don’t.”

 

“Let me think about it.” Then Cody’s lips are back on his. 

 

They stay like this for a few more songs then are ripped apart when the music stops, and he sees a familiar face. Nick. Oh shit, he never meant for Nick to find out like this. His roommate leans into them and shouts, “Cops are here.”

 

Cody rips away, “It was nice to meet you, Jesperi.”

 

Jesperi just nods and gives him a little wave. Cody already disappeared into the crowd when he notices the bottle of vodka on the ground. He grabs it and kills it as the room clears. Nick follows him out. 

 

They make it down the street out of the sight of the cops as they wait for his friends. Miro texted him to wait for them. The wind wipes at them, but Jesperi can’t feel it. He body is running hot. 

 

Nick rocks on his heels before stumbling a little. Jesperi manages to catch him. Nick just smiles, “So I didn’t know you’re into guys.” He really didn’t want to have this conversation now, “Sorry about asking about girls.”

 

“It’s okay.” He slurs his words. “I never said nothing.”

 

“I can find you guys if you want.”

 

“I am good.” 

 

There is a commotion behind them. It’s the boys. They are all laughing with each other. Mikko is the first one to say something, “Not going home with that boy.”

 

“Nope.” Jesperi shakes his head. 

 

“I really didn’t need to see your tongue down his throat,” Miro laughs.

 

“At least he got somewhere. That girl left you in minutes.” Eeli pokes at Miro.

 

Jesperi looks at his roommate. He seems confused. Oh yeah, he’s not Finnish. “I’m heading to Cat’s. See you later,” Nick says.

 

“See you,” Jesperi says, “Have fun be safe.” Nick shakes his head and continues down the street. Jesperi stomach growls, “I could go for a burger.”

 

“Same,” Miro says.

 

“Me too,” Eeli agrees.

 

Mikko nods, “The Hut we go.”

 

They turn around and head the other way. They walk past the cop cars and try their best to walk straight. The liquor really hit Jesperi, and everything is starting to blur together. He hasn’t been drunk like this since he turned eighteen. He blacked out that night and woke up in his parents' bed. It was a weird night. 

 

Jesperi checks his phone; he has a notification a chat from Tinder and a Snapchat. The Tinder message is from Ryan, and the Snap is from Rasmus. He meant to open the message from Ryan but accidentally opened the one from Rasmus. It’s him with Casey. It’s a video of them watching Derry Girls. He told Rasmus to watch it, but never thought he would. 

 

He’s cuddling with Casey. It makes him feel sick. The caption says, ‘ _You’re right, it’s good.’_ Jesperi replays it. He watches Rasmus smile as he looks at Casey. He wants to throw up. 

 

He responds with a video, “Glad you like it. Boys and me going to get burgers. Fun night,” he shouts as he shows the guys. Eeli holds up a peace sign, Mikko flips the camera off, and Miro doesn’t even pay attention. He sends it without even listening to the audio.

 

He doesn’t bother with Ryan. He can message him in the morning. He’s about to shove his phone in his pocket when he gets another notification. It’s Rasmus. It’s a picture; he raised an eyebrow. He’s not even cuddling with Casey any more, ‘ _Are you drunk???’_

 

Jesperi takes a picture of himself with Mikko in the back, still flipping off the camera. He captions it, ‘ _Very. Had drink 4 something and met a guy with vodka. Had fun, he was nice and very cute.’_ He sends it then deletes Snapchat from his phone. He doesn’t want Rasmus to bother him anymore. It’s a night for the boys and Rasmus isn’t one of the boys. 

 

He slides his phone into his pocket and listens to the boys. They are ribbing at him for making out with Cody. He just shrugs and tells them that he needed some fun and that Cody isn’t from around here so he won’t see him again. The guys seem disappointed by that. They are even more disappointed when he tells then that he deleted Snapchat because of Rasmus, something about Rasmus being worried, but why would be worried it’s not like they are together. Rasmus hasn’t even paid attention to him after the snow days. 

 

The burger place isn’t that far away, so it only takes ten minutes to get there. The line is outside the door since the place isn’t very big and most frat parties have shut down for the night since it’s already midnight. The boys joke around and Jesperi tries his best to read the menu, but nothing makes sense, so Mikko says he’ll just order for him. 

 

Getting inside, Jesperi looks at the cashier. He knows him from somewhere. He can’t place it. He’s not sure if it’s from his math class or comm, but once they get to the front, he knows. He’s the guy from the river. It’s the way he looks at Jesperi, his smile and the dirty blond hair that peaks out of his beanie. 

 

“Hi.” Jesperi smiles, but Mikko pushes him out of the way, “I wanted to order.”

 

“Do you even know what you want?”

 

“No, but…”

 

He’s cut off, “Then.” Mikko just shoves him aside. He watches the cashier smile at him as he shakes his head. He tries to find a name tag, but he can’t. The cashier is in a Nirvana t-shirt with no name tag, what a place. No name tags that blows.

 

Mikko is getting ready to pay, “I want water,” Jesperi says. He’s got cottonmouth.

 

He doesn’t even say it in English, but the river guy hands him a clear cup. He’s about to ask him his name and how he knows Finnish, but he catches the smell of something, and his stomach turns. He reaches for the cup, and he really wants to ask, but the tingle in his throw pushes him outside. 

 

He finds the nearest bush to release the demons in. He shouldn’t have drank that much vodka. Miro is beside him, patting his back. He is mumbling something, but Jesperi is focusing on the demons in him. 

 

Once he’s done getting sick, he takes a seat on the curb, and Miro disappears and returns with some water. He drinks the whole cup, and Miro leaves again. He comes back with two cups this time. He only hands one to Jesperi who nurses this one. “You good?” Miro asks.

 

“Sure,” Jesperi mumbles. He takes a few sips of his water. Right now he can’t believe he was this close to the river guy. He could have asked him his name or really anything, but he had to go and get sick. He really hates himself.

 

“Why the long face?” Miro asks.

 

“The river guy.”

 

“What?”

 

Jesperi chugs the rest of his water. “He’s the guy from the river.”

 

“Who?”

 

“The cashier.”

 

“Okay then, but what about the river.”

 

He’s about to tell him about the drawing when Mikko and Eeli come out, “Let's go,” Mikko says.

 

“But river guy.” Jesperi pouts. Mikko turns to Miro, who just shakes his head, “He’s the river guy.” He pulls out his phone to show his lock screen. 

 

Mikko chuckles, “Okay, bud. Yeah the river guy, but it’s time to go home.”

 

“Home?”

 

“You coming back to my place so we can eat.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Mikko wraps an arm around Jesperi’s shoulders so he can be lead down the street towards the apartments. Mikko lets him eat some tater tots as they walk to keep him busy, but he just wants to go back to the river guy. He wants to tell him how beautiful his drawing was. That he thought it was so amazing that he made it is lock screen. He wants to see the cashier smile again. He wants to see him look up at him through his dirty blond hair and ask how he knew Finnish. He wants to know his name and if he wants to get coffee. He just wants to know more about him. 

 

Then again, he’s drunk. He can’t make a fool of himself in front of the river guy. He’s seen him twice but twice is enough to want to know more. Hell, he did that with Rasmus. 

  


Somehow they end up back at Mikko’s with Sebastian being mother hen while he chows down on his burger. He shoves the gravy and egg into his face as he deconstructs the mess in the box. Mikko is laughing, but Sebastian is not. Teuvo is doing what Sepe asks. There is a bottle of Gatorade placed in front of him, and he’s being asked to take sips. He does as his friends ask. 

 

Sepe gets him a blanket and a little trash can the is places next to the couch. He thought he would head back to the dorm, but the couch is just as comfortable as his shitty dorm mattress. So he sleeps. 

  


The sun is what wakes him up. His head is pounding, and his mouth is drier than hell. There is Gatorade on the coffee table and a bottle of ibuprofen with a note that says take me. So he does. He finds his phone on the coffee table charging. It’s a little past ten o’clock. 

 

There are a few notifications. Two from Ryan and five from Rasmus. He looks at the ones from Rasmus first. _‘Are you okay.’ ‘You haven’t responded to my Snap. ‘Please tell me your safe.’ ‘I’m going to assume to are asleep.’ ‘Please let me know you are okay.’_ He figures he should let Rasmus know he’s alive. He just sends a generic text says that he’s fine and is sorry for not responding.

 

He checks the one from Ryan. He asking is he wants to meet for lunch about one and that he needs to know before eleven. He hurries up and sends him yes and that he’s sorry for not answering him sooner cause he had a few drinks last night and didn’t want to respond drunk last night. Shockingly Ryan answers right away and tells he’s it’s alright, and he can’t wait to see him. 

 

Right now Jesperi can’t wait to see him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope yall like this chapter because this is one I've had in mind since I started writing this.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mari999-ao3)
> 
> Also please let me know if you find any mistakes. I'm sorry if I miss any.


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